WHO'S IDEA WAS THAT?

Who was it that decided Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton should sit six inches apart during their debates? They looked like a couple of TV news readers. "Back to to you, Hillary."

And who in the Democratic party thought it would be neat to have Superdelegates? These are delegates who exactly nobody voted for and make up one fifth of the Convention's delegates. In such a close contest as the one being waged by Obama and Clinton they could be the deciding votes as to who gets the nomination, thus negating the voter's choices, to say nothing of rendering two hundred-plus million dollar campaigns meaningless. How about a straight up vote count and the candidate with the most votes gets the nomination with no input from anybody but the voters? Of course that would take a lot of power away from the back room king makers, but tough shit on them. If these people like making deals so much they should go into business and find out that every deal costs money, your own damned money and not ours, the taxpayers and voters. It is not yours to play with, either our votes or our money. Stop, thief!

Who's idea in the Bush Administration was it to try to buy the public's favor with a lousy three hundred bucks? Come on, you can do better than that! They know and we know that this is the worst administration ever and has cost each and every American far more than that, even those not yet born who will have to pay for these assholes' eight years of stealing, corruption and mismanagement. You want to buy us now with a measly 300 dollars? Make it 50 grand and maybe I'll shut up.

Who thought it was the dawn of a new day in Cuba? Apparently not their new president Raul Castro, Fidel's dumber brother. You've got to feel for the Cuban people. First the Don gets too sick to run the gang anymore, now Fredo's in charge.

You have to wonder about the decision process of a suicide bomber. Does anybody volunteer? What happens if you're appointed but refuse the honor? What could they do to you that's worse than getting blown to smithereens and becoming a mass murderer in the process? I'm guessing here that these guys are not candidates for a full scholarship. The guy that talks them into wrapping themselves in high explosives and blowing themselves up, though, now there's the guy you want leading your sales department. That's one persuasive son of a bitch.

Who thought it it was a good idea to relocate the Berlin wall in Arizona? And don't the builders of that wall know about commercial airlines, the source of the great majority of illegal immigration? Well, maybe it's better not to tell them. That's at least one set of jobs that can't be outsourced to India or China. And don't breathe a word about the Great Wall of China being a monumental failure. Those pesky Mongol invaders figured out plenty of ways to get over it, and they had more in mind than mowing lawns and picking fruit.

Who decided that the 21st century would be "The Asian Century?" Exactly which part of Asia are they talking about? It's a fairly sizable piece of real estate. And if you happen to be Asian, isn't every century sort of the Asian Century? Maybe it was the clowns who decided that this past century was the American Century, even though a whole lot of things went on elsewhere. And when does Africa get a century? Or Australia? And if Al Gore is right about global warming, this just might turn out to be the Arctic Century. Wouldn't that piss off the labelers?

Who nominated Doctor Phil for the job of America's Life Coach? Bad enough we pay the slightest attention to blowhards like Bill O'Rightly, Rush Limburger, Wolf Blitzkrieg and Bill Mars, do we need another con man telling us how to behave and what to think? This is a guy who blew his first marriage by womanizing, got slapped by a Psychology regulatory agency in Texas for "inappropriate conduct with a young female patient," ran a questionable weight loss business and preyed on the vulnerabilities of an unbalanced young celebrity. I'd rather take advice from Flavor Flave.

In Olympic Sports, baseball's out but synchronized swimming remains. I wonder which sport has more fans? I don't recall ever reading anything about a sold-out stadium or arena with ticket scalpers making a small fortune hawking tickets for a synchronized swimming competition. The only good seats for that "sport" are where the cameramen sit, in the rafters directly overhead. And even then it's as boring and incomprehensible as anything could possibly be. Who on the Olympic Committee decided baseball goes and this sport is far too popular and riveting to eliminate? Maybe one of those guys mesmerized by the Winter Olympics Biathlon where people on skis shoot rifles. Yeah, that's a big box office draw, alright. I know a lot of people who ski and a lot of people who shoot rifles, but never at the same time, what with the safety issues that presents and all. And just about everybody swims from time to time, but nobody I ever met has been excited about an upcoming synchronized swimming meet, going to great lengths to obtain poolside seats, placing wagers on the outcome and cheering their lungs out for their team. Sometimes you just wonder where some ideas come from.