D.O.P.O.O. REPORTS: ATHEISTS ARE VERY DEVOUT AND NOBODY'S LEAVING THE USA

After an exhaustive study of all the major religions, The Department of Pointing Out The Obvious is quite frankly exhausted. We have discovered that the most devout believers are Atheists. They are the most dedicated to their faith and the most articulate in the defense of their beliefs. Indeed, a great many atheists are so moved by their faith they feel compelled to spread the word, fervently preaching the doctrines of Atheism to all who will hear. Their deep faith has brought Atheists a great deal of comfort in an uncertain world, a rock to which they cling in troubled times. There is no greater believer, and no more fervent preacher than an Atheist.

The one puzzling aspect of Atheism is that their ranks do not seem to be swelling significantly. While other religions with an aggressive policy towards preaching and conversion grow steadily, the Atheists don't seem to recruit very many new members in spite of their impassioned proselytizing. While they don't knock on doors like Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons, Atheists nevertheless maintain a very high public profile and disseminate their beliefs at every opportunity. Perhaps it's their lack of Holidays that prevents greater recruitment? Or maybe the absence of an identifiable hierarchy like Bishops, Priests, Rabbis, Imams, Lamas and the so forth. The Department would suggest a better organization to which new members can identify, and more public houses of worship so that the newly initiated will feel that the practice of their faith matches the preaching.

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From the desk of The Department of Pointing Out The Obvious: Checking out the worldwide immigration patterns, there's a lot of people leaving their homelands and taking up residence in foreign lands looking for a better deal. The top of the food chain (literally) remains The United States. It's hard not to notice that almost nobody leaves here seeking a better life elsewhere. This is as good as it gets in this hard world. The D.O.P.O.O. has always thought this was a damned good nation filled with fine people and apparently there's a ton of people who share this assessment. Couple that with the fact that America is peopled almost exclusively by immigrants and you've got yourself one popular immigration destination.

Unlike many nations, if you're born here you become a citizen by virtue of that fact, no matter what the status of Mom and Dad might be. And there's nobody that's unwelcome in America. A quick glance outside the Department's headquarters in Brooklyn, New York City confirms. There's even people from Cameroon living here, a nation many Americans thought was a fictitious country from a Broadway musical. Turns out that's not the case. It's a primarily farming nation in Africa of 18 million souls located on the Atlantic coast just above that continent's midsection. As it happens, Cameroon seems to share a striking trait with the United Stares; there are within it's borders over 200 different ethnic groups and they live side by side peaceably, a rarity in Africa, or just about any other place besides America and a few other nations. Too few.

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From the Industry Watch Division of the Department of Pointing Out The Obvious it is reported that by the year 2012 the automotive industry will achieve complete` homogeneity of design. Every sedan will be identical, every mid-sized car, every minivan, SUV, luxury and economy class car will look exactly the same, completing a twenty-five year industry trend. The only difference will be the brand name affixed to each car. The exception, oddly enough, will be the newly revived Studebaker, which will introduce a car identical to the last Studebakers produced in 1966. The Industry Watch Division predicts they will be wildly popular despite getting lousy mileage, having no seat belts, antilock brakes or power windows and failing to comply with modern emissions standards, simply for the reason that it will be easy to find in the parking lot.