September 27, 2010
LIFE EXPLAINED, PART 740
When life hands you lemons, slap life around until it hands over the tequila.
THE ONE AND ONLY ANSWER MAN
Greetings, folks. That's right, It's Answer Man Time! Here's how it works: you ask me a question, I answer it. A simple concept, but effective. Submit questions only. Don't send me statements, since they are not questions and there is no answer for the Answer Man to provide. Let's see what posers you people have for me today:
Dear Answer Man: Is the sky blue because the shorter wavelength of blue light rays is absorbed by gas molecules in the earth's atmosphere and radiated in different directions, scattering blue light throughout the sky, while the longer wavelengths of red, orange and yellow rays pass nearly undetected through the air? - Mike Rowe
Dear Mike Rowe: Yes. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Why is the sky blue? - Billy who is Seven and a Half
Dear Billy who is Seven and a Half: See above, son. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Exactly who put the bop on the bop-shu-op shu-op, and who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-dingdong? - Nick Nacpadiwaq
Dear Nick Nacpadiwaq: Ah, a two parter! Answer Man likes a challenge. It was Frankie Lyman of The Teenagers who put the bop in the bop-shu-op-do-wop, while Dion Dimucci of The Belmonts is responsible for putting the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-dingdong. Next!
Dear Answer Man: You sure it wasn't John Lee Hooker? - Nick Nacpadiwaq
Dear Nick Nacpadiwaq: Positive. Hooker was the first one to separate the boogie from the woogie, starting with "Boogie Child." Next!
Dear Answer Man: If, as John Lennon claims in the song "Mind Games," that "love is the answer," what is it the answer to? - Mel Loewe
Dear Mel Loewe: The answer to that is "love," as in "What did your mother feel for your brothers and sisters but not for your ugly butt?" How's them apples for Mind Games, Mr. Mel Loewe? Next!
Dear Answer Man: Who's your Daddy? - Uri Dicculaus
Dear Uri Dicculaus: That would be the late Horace Debussy Answer Man. Next!
Dear Answer Man: That's not my name and I'm not dead! - Dad
Dear "Dad": I'm sorry, but the Answer Man made it clear that he will respond only to questions. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Was that really your father? - Justin Kayce
Dear Justin Kayce: Asked and answered! Next!
Dear Answer Man: Is it true that the Great Wall of China is visible from space? - Richard Hertz
Dear Richard Hertz: Yes, it is true. It is also true that the Great Wall was a dismal failure that never kept the Mongols from invading, its only pupose. And yet, the Chinese kept on building it for over a thousand years. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Hey, that guy never asked if the the Great Wall worked or not, just whether or not it could be seen from space! Are you trying to ruin Chinese tourism? - Wen Jiabo, Premier, People's Republic of China
Dear Wen Jiabo: The Answer Man stands by his answer. I don't care all that much about tourism in your country, sir, since that would be your department. Mine is answers. Next!
Dear Running Dog Of Imperialism: You are treading on treacherous ground, Answer Man! The People's Republic will not be mocked! Do you want to create an international incident? - Wen Jibao
Dear Wen Jiabo: Quite frankly, Mr. Wen, the Answer Man wouldn't mind the publicity of a good old international incident. You're the boss of China, so why not issue one of your patented veiled threats of "dire consequences" against the Answer Man? It's a win-win for both of us. It will put me on the map big-time, and just maybe make people forget the brown and yellow air the athletes had to breathe when your nation hosted the Olympics. Just to get the ball rolling, I'll repeat my assertion: Even though the Great Wall of China was a huge failure, one Chinese emperor after another kept building the thing for centuries. Next!
Dear Enemy of the People: The People's Republic of China demands you cease and desist your unconscionable slander against China! We insist that you retract your false statements or face dire consequences!
Dear Wen Jiabo: Mr. Wen, you have to put your inquiry in the form of a question. A man of your accomplishments ought to find my ground rules easy to follow. Can't help you here, Mr. Premier. Next!
Dear Agent of Decadent Colonial Usurpers: A thousand pardons, Answer Man, I'll put a question in here somewhere. Here goes: The People's Republic of China demands that you cease and desist your unconscionable slander against China! We demand that you retract your false statements or face dire consequences! Will you or will you not comply? The world is watching, Mr. Answer Man! - Wen Jibao
Dear Wen Jiabo: That's what I'm talking about! No, sir, I will not bow down to your Communist bullying. That fact that China made my computer and every stitch of clothing my back does not give you the right to censor Americans! Next!
Dear Answer Man: Are you nuts? Without China, Walmart would still be a local 5 and Dime franchise in Porkbutt, Arkansas! Back off! - S. Robson Walton, Chairman, Board of Directors, Walmart Stores, Inc.
Dear S. Robson Walton: No, the Answer Man is not nuts, and frankly hates your store and considers Walmart to be the enemy of America. And we all know the S in "S. Robson" stands for Sam, you Commy ass-kissing, worker-exploiting, community-trashing, tax-cheating corporate weenie! Next!
Dear Answer Man: Aren't you taking a huge risk by making an enemy of such a powerful man? - Dot Sahl
Dear Dot Sahl: Not at all. Why should I care what the premier of China thinks of me? Next!
Dear Answer Man: No, I meant the Chairman of Walmart! Doesn't he scare you? - Dot Sahl
Dear Dot Sahl: Not at all Dot Sahl, not at all. He may be a billionaire, but he has to be the reprehenible weenie S. Robson Walmart forever, while I get to be The Answer Man! And on that note, I bid you readers adieu until next time. Dot's all, folks!
Dear Answer Man: Is the sky blue because the shorter wavelength of blue light rays is absorbed by gas molecules in the earth's atmosphere and radiated in different directions, scattering blue light throughout the sky, while the longer wavelengths of red, orange and yellow rays pass nearly undetected through the air? - Mike Rowe
Dear Mike Rowe: Yes. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Why is the sky blue? - Billy who is Seven and a Half
Dear Billy who is Seven and a Half: See above, son. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Exactly who put the bop on the bop-shu-op shu-op, and who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-dingdong? - Nick Nacpadiwaq
Dear Nick Nacpadiwaq: Ah, a two parter! Answer Man likes a challenge. It was Frankie Lyman of The Teenagers who put the bop in the bop-shu-op-do-wop, while Dion Dimucci of The Belmonts is responsible for putting the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-dingdong. Next!
Dear Answer Man: You sure it wasn't John Lee Hooker? - Nick Nacpadiwaq
Dear Nick Nacpadiwaq: Positive. Hooker was the first one to separate the boogie from the woogie, starting with "Boogie Child." Next!
Dear Answer Man: If, as John Lennon claims in the song "Mind Games," that "love is the answer," what is it the answer to? - Mel Loewe
Dear Mel Loewe: The answer to that is "love," as in "What did your mother feel for your brothers and sisters but not for your ugly butt?" How's them apples for Mind Games, Mr. Mel Loewe? Next!
Dear Answer Man: Who's your Daddy? - Uri Dicculaus
Dear Uri Dicculaus: That would be the late Horace Debussy Answer Man. Next!
Dear Answer Man: That's not my name and I'm not dead! - Dad
Dear "Dad": I'm sorry, but the Answer Man made it clear that he will respond only to questions. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Was that really your father? - Justin Kayce
Dear Justin Kayce: Asked and answered! Next!
Dear Answer Man: Is it true that the Great Wall of China is visible from space? - Richard Hertz
Dear Richard Hertz: Yes, it is true. It is also true that the Great Wall was a dismal failure that never kept the Mongols from invading, its only pupose. And yet, the Chinese kept on building it for over a thousand years. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Hey, that guy never asked if the the Great Wall worked or not, just whether or not it could be seen from space! Are you trying to ruin Chinese tourism? - Wen Jiabo, Premier, People's Republic of China
Dear Wen Jiabo: The Answer Man stands by his answer. I don't care all that much about tourism in your country, sir, since that would be your department. Mine is answers. Next!
Dear Running Dog Of Imperialism: You are treading on treacherous ground, Answer Man! The People's Republic will not be mocked! Do you want to create an international incident? - Wen Jibao
Dear Wen Jiabo: Quite frankly, Mr. Wen, the Answer Man wouldn't mind the publicity of a good old international incident. You're the boss of China, so why not issue one of your patented veiled threats of "dire consequences" against the Answer Man? It's a win-win for both of us. It will put me on the map big-time, and just maybe make people forget the brown and yellow air the athletes had to breathe when your nation hosted the Olympics. Just to get the ball rolling, I'll repeat my assertion: Even though the Great Wall of China was a huge failure, one Chinese emperor after another kept building the thing for centuries. Next!
Dear Enemy of the People: The People's Republic of China demands you cease and desist your unconscionable slander against China! We insist that you retract your false statements or face dire consequences!
Dear Wen Jiabo: Mr. Wen, you have to put your inquiry in the form of a question. A man of your accomplishments ought to find my ground rules easy to follow. Can't help you here, Mr. Premier. Next!
Dear Agent of Decadent Colonial Usurpers: A thousand pardons, Answer Man, I'll put a question in here somewhere. Here goes: The People's Republic of China demands that you cease and desist your unconscionable slander against China! We demand that you retract your false statements or face dire consequences! Will you or will you not comply? The world is watching, Mr. Answer Man! - Wen Jibao
Dear Wen Jiabo: That's what I'm talking about! No, sir, I will not bow down to your Communist bullying. That fact that China made my computer and every stitch of clothing my back does not give you the right to censor Americans! Next!
Dear Answer Man: Are you nuts? Without China, Walmart would still be a local 5 and Dime franchise in Porkbutt, Arkansas! Back off! - S. Robson Walton, Chairman, Board of Directors, Walmart Stores, Inc.
Dear S. Robson Walton: No, the Answer Man is not nuts, and frankly hates your store and considers Walmart to be the enemy of America. And we all know the S in "S. Robson" stands for Sam, you Commy ass-kissing, worker-exploiting, community-trashing, tax-cheating corporate weenie! Next!
Dear Answer Man: Aren't you taking a huge risk by making an enemy of such a powerful man? - Dot Sahl
Dear Dot Sahl: Not at all. Why should I care what the premier of China thinks of me? Next!
Dear Answer Man: No, I meant the Chairman of Walmart! Doesn't he scare you? - Dot Sahl
Dear Dot Sahl: Not at all Dot Sahl, not at all. He may be a billionaire, but he has to be the reprehenible weenie S. Robson Walmart forever, while I get to be The Answer Man! And on that note, I bid you readers adieu until next time. Dot's all, folks!
September 20, 2010
THE KNOW NOTHING PARTY MAKES A COMEBACK!
Everything old is new again! Like fashions and disco music, some Americans have revived one of our old political parties, the Know Nothing Party, later renamed the Native American Party and then simply the American Party. It's been renamed yet again, now the Tea Party. Like the original Know Nothings, today's Tea Partiers have latched onto immigration as one of their their good-versus-evil issues, with the immigrants of course being cast as the evil ones by these right-thinking sons and daughters of immigrants, who want to relocate the Great Wall of China to Arizona. Go figure.
The original "evil immigrants" that so upset the Know Nothings were Irish and Germans, who came to America in droves between 1830 and 1860, bringing their Catholic religion with them, which many American Protestants feared even though they lived in a nation that kept religion a private affair by law, so private that more than a few of our early presidents were not affiliated with any church at all, something that would be unthinkable in today's God-charged political climate.
These days we have all sorts of Christian Fascists gravitating to the Tea Party and claiming all sorts of divine rights to make rules for everybody else, not different at all from the sort of people America is fighting in wars both hot and cold all over the world, the Muslim extremists who would spread Islam and Sharia law globally. Like their Christian Fascist brethren, their calling cards are fear and hate. These mullahs and Imams are your basic garden variety would-be tyrants who don't let their own intellectual shortcomings get in the way of their grand ambitions.
They simply play to the dumb ones in the audience, those with no skills or much of a work ethic, an easy crew to rile up, then make a lot whole lot of noise, figuring that louder means better. So far they are still searching for a second act after blowing up the World Trade Center and starting a global war on extremism. Apparently that was the extent of their planning, noise and death on a grand scale for their own sake.
Not exactly a coherent political philosophy, but one that has the attention of the entire world. To the bin Ladens of this world, knocking down the two biggest towers in the capital of the world automatically makes you a political genius leading a popular movement, even though that act brought hellfire and destruction on the Medieval nation of Afghanistan that gave him sanctuary and a base of operations. Since that day, bin Laden's "operations" have consisted of hiding in the barren mountain wastes of South Asia and moving quite frequently, occasionally making video tapes outlining his "plans" to conquer America.
Our own religious extremists are also a set of jackasses, priding themselves on not knowing a damned thing about the American political process, the Bill of Rights or the United States Constitution. They only know that they want what they want and they want it now, never mind how things actually get done in America. Oh, and they also think paying taxes is evil and say so quite loudly as they crisscross the nation on taxpayer-built roads under the protection of taxpayer-paid law enforcement agencies.
And, bless their hearts, just like the original Know Nothings, they seek to demonize other people's religions while acting like demons themselves. And just like the mullahs and the bin Ladens, they play to the dumbest of Americans, those too stupid to realize that the party they supported for 8 years under Shotgun Dick Cheney is the party responsible for most of the misery in America today, people so stupid that they support every measure designed to keep this nation a nation of haves and have-nots.
These dunderheads regularly vote against their own interests and support treasonous laws like the Patriot Act, forgetting that taking away the sacred protections of the Bill of Rights from "them" also takes it away from "us." They insist that rich people shouldn't have to pay their fair share of taxes to the nation that made them rich, the same sort of rich people who sold their jobs overseas and sold them a scam mortgage, and wouldn't be caught dead rubbing elbows with them after they are finished issuing their marching orders from the podium.
This "People's Movement" is a lot like another people's movement in the 1960's, with irritating and childish assholes like the Yippy Party spouting all sorts of gibberish that made a serious movement an unnecessary war in Vietnam somehow appear ridiculous. Reasonable voices were drowned out by ignorant clowns with more slogans than solutions. The fact that the Yippies coupled sane political questions with a call to get stoned on drugs sort of put a crimp in any plans they might have had to get anything done.
Martin Luther King was correct to distance his Civil Rights Movement from these hippy clowns and the equally ridiculous and militant Black Panther Party. His cause was just and the task was huge. Dr. King and his his fellow civil rights workers were serious men and carried themselves as such. He was a lucid man with stirring ideals and solid ideas, the stuff that political movements are made of. King had a lot more than just a dream, he had a plan. Knowing you are right and changing the world are two different things. King succeeded where the buffoons failed, and peace eludes us still.
So far the Tea Party has gone the Yippy route, offering completely ridiculous people as their leaders, many of them even more off-the-wall than Timothy Leary and Abbie Hoffman combined. At least those guys had LSD to blame for all the silliness. What's the Tea Party's excuse? With all the problems facing America these days, these dopes have elected to rail against rich people paying their taxes! "Power the people" used to be the Yippy's motto. What's these people's motto: "Even more power to the greedy pricks that stole all our fucking money in 2008?"
Right off the bat you're thinking that maybe they dropped the ball here. Here they have an America pissed off at going broke, sick and tired of two more unnecessary wars, 40 million Americans living in poverty and reeling from 8 years of corporate treasury looting under the Cheney Administration, and all these assholes could do to stir up a restless population was to champion the wealthy? That's where you waste this wellspring of passion? As the kids say, WTF!
They choose instead to be angry that President Obama hasn't been able to fix the monumental damage to our economy wrought by Shotgun Dick and The Hole In The Head Gang. Cheney and his uber-wealthy contemporaries launched an era of greed, acquisition and theft on such a monumental scale that less than 1% of Americans now own more wealth than the bottom 95% of us. That dough had to come out of somebody else's (your name here) pockets. That doesn't bother anyone in the Tea Party?
Their chosen people also lied us into a war in Iraq where grand fortunes were made by American corporations at the expense of over 4,000 American lives and 100,00 Iraqis. Now American corporations are selling Iraq $113 billion worth of modern weaponry, a nation we are supposedly leaving but will maintain an occupying army of 50,000 soldiers. Does that make sense to anyone? Just in case that doesn't make the Middle East a big enough tinderbox, Saudi Arabia is buying $60 billion worth of American fighter jets too.
There's some stuff for a political movement to question from this Democratic president who voted against the Iraq war as a Congressman. Instead, they attack Obama's health care reforms, again not winning a lot of hearts and minds by equating healing the sick with the Third Reich. But then again, reality is not really their strong suit (see Glen Beck). When seeing Russia from your front porch is enough to be a statesman to your supporters, the bar is set pretty low in the Qualifications Department.
The idea of a new political party and a movement to shake up Washington to make some changes for the better in America is exciting. America has always been a work in progress, striving to live up to the immortal words and sacred ideas upon which this nation was founded. From time to time a leader emerges and a movement arises that stirs us to action and we move closer to our ideal America.
This is not one of those times, at least not yet, and the Tea Partiers are simply whack jobs too nuts to be regular Republicans, just like the Yippies were too crazy for the Democrats back in the day. They both hurt their respective causes with their willful ignorance and buffoonery, drowning out the voices of reason with noise. America could sure use another Martin Luther King right about now. Reasonable geniuses are hard to come by.
The original "evil immigrants" that so upset the Know Nothings were Irish and Germans, who came to America in droves between 1830 and 1860, bringing their Catholic religion with them, which many American Protestants feared even though they lived in a nation that kept religion a private affair by law, so private that more than a few of our early presidents were not affiliated with any church at all, something that would be unthinkable in today's God-charged political climate.
These days we have all sorts of Christian Fascists gravitating to the Tea Party and claiming all sorts of divine rights to make rules for everybody else, not different at all from the sort of people America is fighting in wars both hot and cold all over the world, the Muslim extremists who would spread Islam and Sharia law globally. Like their Christian Fascist brethren, their calling cards are fear and hate. These mullahs and Imams are your basic garden variety would-be tyrants who don't let their own intellectual shortcomings get in the way of their grand ambitions.
They simply play to the dumb ones in the audience, those with no skills or much of a work ethic, an easy crew to rile up, then make a lot whole lot of noise, figuring that louder means better. So far they are still searching for a second act after blowing up the World Trade Center and starting a global war on extremism. Apparently that was the extent of their planning, noise and death on a grand scale for their own sake.
Not exactly a coherent political philosophy, but one that has the attention of the entire world. To the bin Ladens of this world, knocking down the two biggest towers in the capital of the world automatically makes you a political genius leading a popular movement, even though that act brought hellfire and destruction on the Medieval nation of Afghanistan that gave him sanctuary and a base of operations. Since that day, bin Laden's "operations" have consisted of hiding in the barren mountain wastes of South Asia and moving quite frequently, occasionally making video tapes outlining his "plans" to conquer America.
Our own religious extremists are also a set of jackasses, priding themselves on not knowing a damned thing about the American political process, the Bill of Rights or the United States Constitution. They only know that they want what they want and they want it now, never mind how things actually get done in America. Oh, and they also think paying taxes is evil and say so quite loudly as they crisscross the nation on taxpayer-built roads under the protection of taxpayer-paid law enforcement agencies.
And, bless their hearts, just like the original Know Nothings, they seek to demonize other people's religions while acting like demons themselves. And just like the mullahs and the bin Ladens, they play to the dumbest of Americans, those too stupid to realize that the party they supported for 8 years under Shotgun Dick Cheney is the party responsible for most of the misery in America today, people so stupid that they support every measure designed to keep this nation a nation of haves and have-nots.
These dunderheads regularly vote against their own interests and support treasonous laws like the Patriot Act, forgetting that taking away the sacred protections of the Bill of Rights from "them" also takes it away from "us." They insist that rich people shouldn't have to pay their fair share of taxes to the nation that made them rich, the same sort of rich people who sold their jobs overseas and sold them a scam mortgage, and wouldn't be caught dead rubbing elbows with them after they are finished issuing their marching orders from the podium.
This "People's Movement" is a lot like another people's movement in the 1960's, with irritating and childish assholes like the Yippy Party spouting all sorts of gibberish that made a serious movement an unnecessary war in Vietnam somehow appear ridiculous. Reasonable voices were drowned out by ignorant clowns with more slogans than solutions. The fact that the Yippies coupled sane political questions with a call to get stoned on drugs sort of put a crimp in any plans they might have had to get anything done.
Martin Luther King was correct to distance his Civil Rights Movement from these hippy clowns and the equally ridiculous and militant Black Panther Party. His cause was just and the task was huge. Dr. King and his his fellow civil rights workers were serious men and carried themselves as such. He was a lucid man with stirring ideals and solid ideas, the stuff that political movements are made of. King had a lot more than just a dream, he had a plan. Knowing you are right and changing the world are two different things. King succeeded where the buffoons failed, and peace eludes us still.
So far the Tea Party has gone the Yippy route, offering completely ridiculous people as their leaders, many of them even more off-the-wall than Timothy Leary and Abbie Hoffman combined. At least those guys had LSD to blame for all the silliness. What's the Tea Party's excuse? With all the problems facing America these days, these dopes have elected to rail against rich people paying their taxes! "Power the people" used to be the Yippy's motto. What's these people's motto: "Even more power to the greedy pricks that stole all our fucking money in 2008?"
Right off the bat you're thinking that maybe they dropped the ball here. Here they have an America pissed off at going broke, sick and tired of two more unnecessary wars, 40 million Americans living in poverty and reeling from 8 years of corporate treasury looting under the Cheney Administration, and all these assholes could do to stir up a restless population was to champion the wealthy? That's where you waste this wellspring of passion? As the kids say, WTF!
They choose instead to be angry that President Obama hasn't been able to fix the monumental damage to our economy wrought by Shotgun Dick and The Hole In The Head Gang. Cheney and his uber-wealthy contemporaries launched an era of greed, acquisition and theft on such a monumental scale that less than 1% of Americans now own more wealth than the bottom 95% of us. That dough had to come out of somebody else's (your name here) pockets. That doesn't bother anyone in the Tea Party?
Their chosen people also lied us into a war in Iraq where grand fortunes were made by American corporations at the expense of over 4,000 American lives and 100,00 Iraqis. Now American corporations are selling Iraq $113 billion worth of modern weaponry, a nation we are supposedly leaving but will maintain an occupying army of 50,000 soldiers. Does that make sense to anyone? Just in case that doesn't make the Middle East a big enough tinderbox, Saudi Arabia is buying $60 billion worth of American fighter jets too.
There's some stuff for a political movement to question from this Democratic president who voted against the Iraq war as a Congressman. Instead, they attack Obama's health care reforms, again not winning a lot of hearts and minds by equating healing the sick with the Third Reich. But then again, reality is not really their strong suit (see Glen Beck). When seeing Russia from your front porch is enough to be a statesman to your supporters, the bar is set pretty low in the Qualifications Department.
The idea of a new political party and a movement to shake up Washington to make some changes for the better in America is exciting. America has always been a work in progress, striving to live up to the immortal words and sacred ideas upon which this nation was founded. From time to time a leader emerges and a movement arises that stirs us to action and we move closer to our ideal America.
This is not one of those times, at least not yet, and the Tea Partiers are simply whack jobs too nuts to be regular Republicans, just like the Yippies were too crazy for the Democrats back in the day. They both hurt their respective causes with their willful ignorance and buffoonery, drowning out the voices of reason with noise. America could sure use another Martin Luther King right about now. Reasonable geniuses are hard to come by.
September 13, 2010
LIFE EXPLAINED, PART 738
Things are almost always just what they seem to be. Your senses aren't fooling you, there's no magic involved and anyone trying to explain away reality has an ulterior motive.
NOT GETTING IT QUITE RIGHT
With the best of intentions, we still screw up. We all want to build a better world, to live in peace, prosperity and brotherhood and leave our children a world where they can flourish. We may have different ideas of how to go about that, but any attempt to perform a good act is welcome. Or, rather, almost any attempt. Sometimes we put the cart before the horse.
There's a country in Africa that was sent many thousands of computers. Great idea, no? Unfortunately, where the computers wound up, the people can't read. Not only that, there was no electricity. But the people weren't stupid, and still found a way to better their lives with the aid of modern computers.
How, you wonder? They did the next best thing, they broke them apart to sell the precious metals inside, earning money to feed their families. There's a sizable "computer mine" there, a rubble-strewn garbage dump where prospectors specialize in retrieving and marketing the different components, with even the glass from the monitor screens and the sheet metal cases having a market value.
So, while education remains the surest path to escaping poverty, maybe someone should have thought to teach these people to read and to install power lines before sending them computers. You don't teach astrophysics and philosophy in first grade, you sort of start with the ABCs and some basic numbers and build from there.
This is what the Peace Corps used to do, and they brought sacks of hardy grain seed labeled "U.S.A." with them too, and taught people how to feed themselves. Food is pretty much the first thing children think about every morning, and helping the poor always starts there, then the reading and writing and the building and the computers and such. The Peace Corps had a step-by-step plan. You're supposed to have a plan when you do big things.
Take Texas, for example, the Poster State for doing big things in a big way. Well, the flat, windy topography of much of Texas turns out to be ideal for wind farming, and now Texas is the largest producer of wind energy in America, if only there were enough power lines to deliver this energy from the wind turbines to consumers. Dang!
Who planned this? Or, rather, failed to plan. It's not like wind power is brand new technology. Ask the Dutch. Or the Phoenicians, for that matter. Wind power is as old as friggin' civilization! The only difference is that today's windmills need power lines, unless the Texans have up with some sort of transmitted power they're not telling us about. Now would be a good time to let everyone know what's the plan, Stan.
There you have two noble attempts to build a better world gone awry by poor planning. No wonder the corrupt and the power mad so often prevail. Now, if they could route some of that Texan electrical power over to Africa to light up some schools...
There's a country in Africa that was sent many thousands of computers. Great idea, no? Unfortunately, where the computers wound up, the people can't read. Not only that, there was no electricity. But the people weren't stupid, and still found a way to better their lives with the aid of modern computers.
How, you wonder? They did the next best thing, they broke them apart to sell the precious metals inside, earning money to feed their families. There's a sizable "computer mine" there, a rubble-strewn garbage dump where prospectors specialize in retrieving and marketing the different components, with even the glass from the monitor screens and the sheet metal cases having a market value.
So, while education remains the surest path to escaping poverty, maybe someone should have thought to teach these people to read and to install power lines before sending them computers. You don't teach astrophysics and philosophy in first grade, you sort of start with the ABCs and some basic numbers and build from there.
This is what the Peace Corps used to do, and they brought sacks of hardy grain seed labeled "U.S.A." with them too, and taught people how to feed themselves. Food is pretty much the first thing children think about every morning, and helping the poor always starts there, then the reading and writing and the building and the computers and such. The Peace Corps had a step-by-step plan. You're supposed to have a plan when you do big things.
Take Texas, for example, the Poster State for doing big things in a big way. Well, the flat, windy topography of much of Texas turns out to be ideal for wind farming, and now Texas is the largest producer of wind energy in America, if only there were enough power lines to deliver this energy from the wind turbines to consumers. Dang!
Who planned this? Or, rather, failed to plan. It's not like wind power is brand new technology. Ask the Dutch. Or the Phoenicians, for that matter. Wind power is as old as friggin' civilization! The only difference is that today's windmills need power lines, unless the Texans have up with some sort of transmitted power they're not telling us about. Now would be a good time to let everyone know what's the plan, Stan.
There you have two noble attempts to build a better world gone awry by poor planning. No wonder the corrupt and the power mad so often prevail. Now, if they could route some of that Texan electrical power over to Africa to light up some schools...
September 9, 2010
LIFE EXPLAINED, PART 737
When good things happen to you, don't act like you don't deserve it. You don't, of course, but don't insult life when it gives you a gift. Take it, and live it up.
September 7, 2010
LIFE EXPLAINED, PART 736
He who laughs last is slow on the uptake. He who gets it much later is he who laughs alone.
MODERN UNION BUSTERS
As usual during economic hardships, the right wing is going after the unions again, trying to convince America that the organizations most responsible for gaining for every American worker an 8 hour work day, overtime pay, safety regulations, workers' compensation, child labor laws, unemployment insurance and Social Security. What would the alternative to unions be? 1911.
1911 was the year that galvanized the labor movement, because that was the year that the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire killed 146 women and girls working in a sweatshop with all the doors locked so the very little girls would remain at their machines for 60¢ for an 80 hour week.
The labor wars had been raging for decades in America. In 1894 President Grover Cleveland created the national holiday Labor Day as a sort of my bad for Federal troops and U.S. Marshals killing 13 workers and wounding another 57 during the course of the nationwide Pullman Railroad strike in 1893.
There were hundreds of similar stories during the Labor Wars, with wealthy and influential companies hiring gangs of violent thugs and, when that failed, calling out State Militias to bully and attack workers seeking to organize against hellish work conditions and poverty wages.
The Robber Barons, who paid 1% or less income tax, lived baronial lifestyles of unparalleled luxury while those who made them rich as Midas lived in overcrowded tenements or company-owned hovels and choked the black dust of their industries until they couldn't work anymore, at which point they were discarded and replaced like worn out tools.
The corporate barons were so wealthy that they built hundreds of gigantic mansions in New Port, Rhode Island just for the hell of it, to use as summer cottages for a couple of dozen days per year.
Which makes yesterday's corporate barons not at all different from today's bunch of corporate thugs, the ones who stole all the money in 2008 and continue to get away with the same crimes over and over and live like kings while the country writhes in economic pain.
The bonuses, the private jets, the multiple palatial homes, the art collections, the million dollar cars, all "earned" on the sale of fraudulent financial products and the failure to pay their fair share of taxes, is unchanged in this class of beings that brought the nation and the world to the brink of financial ruin. They gave up Bernie Madoff, took a trillion or so from U.S. Treasury, and kept on keeping on.
Does anyone think that these rats would behave any differently towards labor than those came before them? What has their post-2008 behavior indicate? Remorse? No. Reform? No. Adopting honest business strategies and reality-based asset evaluation? No. A rededication to the law and business ethics?
Any of these these responses would have been welcome, accompanied by a thorough house cleaning at the top in corporate offices.
If anything, this recession that they created has them lashing out to blame everyone else, anyone but the person they see in the mirror every morning. Unions are always an easy target during bad times, a reminder to the world that workers can gain fair treatment, competitive wages and a safe work environment.
Robber Barons see well paid employees as an impediment to attaining their next Picasso, a Rolls Royce in all 5 driveways or an upgrade of the company jet. Every large corporation is top heavy with such useless leeches. In 1965, 3 people at American Airlines earned more than jumbo jet pilots, the highest skilled workers in the company.
Today, there are thousands of empty suits at American Airlines who make a lot more than the pilots, the only absolutely essential employees in an airline. These Vice Presidents and Managers have nothing to do with actual aviation, and could just as soon be taking up space in the office tower some other company that sold spaghetti sauce or light bulbs for all they know or care.
Those with a passion for aviation, spaghetti sauce or light bulbs actually do the flying, the cooking and the assembling, while the empty suits earn the lion's share of the profits. These non-innovators are the ones who start eliminating production jobs and lowering pay scales when their multimillion dollar bonuses are threatened.
It's no stretch of the imagination to see how they would treat their employees without the laws written in workers' blood that guarantees Americans a safe work place and the small social safety net currently enjoyed by every worker. Anyone care to volunteer their 7 year-old to work in filthy mines or factories 6 and a half days a week?
Men have not changed since 1911, neither the rich ones, the poor ones or that big bunch in the middle, the ones that got to the middle thanks to unions. It is only our toys that have grown more complex, not us.
To think that the unions' work is done and their time is past is to ignore human nature. They are as relevant now as they were in 1911. Just look to many other nations, where the majority live in extreme poverty. It is always 1911 for workers without representation.
Only around 15 million American workers are members of unions. The history of unions in America is the history of the betterment of American workers and the founding of a broad middle class. To paraphrase Churchill: Never have so many owed so much to so few."
1911 was the year that galvanized the labor movement, because that was the year that the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire killed 146 women and girls working in a sweatshop with all the doors locked so the very little girls would remain at their machines for 60¢ for an 80 hour week.
The labor wars had been raging for decades in America. In 1894 President Grover Cleveland created the national holiday Labor Day as a sort of my bad for Federal troops and U.S. Marshals killing 13 workers and wounding another 57 during the course of the nationwide Pullman Railroad strike in 1893.
There were hundreds of similar stories during the Labor Wars, with wealthy and influential companies hiring gangs of violent thugs and, when that failed, calling out State Militias to bully and attack workers seeking to organize against hellish work conditions and poverty wages.
The Robber Barons, who paid 1% or less income tax, lived baronial lifestyles of unparalleled luxury while those who made them rich as Midas lived in overcrowded tenements or company-owned hovels and choked the black dust of their industries until they couldn't work anymore, at which point they were discarded and replaced like worn out tools.
The corporate barons were so wealthy that they built hundreds of gigantic mansions in New Port, Rhode Island just for the hell of it, to use as summer cottages for a couple of dozen days per year.
Which makes yesterday's corporate barons not at all different from today's bunch of corporate thugs, the ones who stole all the money in 2008 and continue to get away with the same crimes over and over and live like kings while the country writhes in economic pain.
The bonuses, the private jets, the multiple palatial homes, the art collections, the million dollar cars, all "earned" on the sale of fraudulent financial products and the failure to pay their fair share of taxes, is unchanged in this class of beings that brought the nation and the world to the brink of financial ruin. They gave up Bernie Madoff, took a trillion or so from U.S. Treasury, and kept on keeping on.
Does anyone think that these rats would behave any differently towards labor than those came before them? What has their post-2008 behavior indicate? Remorse? No. Reform? No. Adopting honest business strategies and reality-based asset evaluation? No. A rededication to the law and business ethics?
Any of these these responses would have been welcome, accompanied by a thorough house cleaning at the top in corporate offices.
If anything, this recession that they created has them lashing out to blame everyone else, anyone but the person they see in the mirror every morning. Unions are always an easy target during bad times, a reminder to the world that workers can gain fair treatment, competitive wages and a safe work environment.
Robber Barons see well paid employees as an impediment to attaining their next Picasso, a Rolls Royce in all 5 driveways or an upgrade of the company jet. Every large corporation is top heavy with such useless leeches. In 1965, 3 people at American Airlines earned more than jumbo jet pilots, the highest skilled workers in the company.
Today, there are thousands of empty suits at American Airlines who make a lot more than the pilots, the only absolutely essential employees in an airline. These Vice Presidents and Managers have nothing to do with actual aviation, and could just as soon be taking up space in the office tower some other company that sold spaghetti sauce or light bulbs for all they know or care.
Those with a passion for aviation, spaghetti sauce or light bulbs actually do the flying, the cooking and the assembling, while the empty suits earn the lion's share of the profits. These non-innovators are the ones who start eliminating production jobs and lowering pay scales when their multimillion dollar bonuses are threatened.
It's no stretch of the imagination to see how they would treat their employees without the laws written in workers' blood that guarantees Americans a safe work place and the small social safety net currently enjoyed by every worker. Anyone care to volunteer their 7 year-old to work in filthy mines or factories 6 and a half days a week?
Men have not changed since 1911, neither the rich ones, the poor ones or that big bunch in the middle, the ones that got to the middle thanks to unions. It is only our toys that have grown more complex, not us.
To think that the unions' work is done and their time is past is to ignore human nature. They are as relevant now as they were in 1911. Just look to many other nations, where the majority live in extreme poverty. It is always 1911 for workers without representation.
Only around 15 million American workers are members of unions. The history of unions in America is the history of the betterment of American workers and the founding of a broad middle class. To paraphrase Churchill: Never have so many owed so much to so few."
September 3, 2010
LIFE EXPLAINED, PART 735
If anyone doubts that there have gays in the military forever, just take a gander at some of the Generals' and Admirals' uniforms throughout history. Those frilly ensembles didn't design themselves.
THE ANSWER MAN IS READY!
Hello folks, it's ANSWER MAN TIME again! Here's how it works: you send me you questions, and I answer them. It's just that simple! Now remember, The Answer Man only replies to questions, so think Jeopardy here. Okay, let's go.
Dear Answer Man: Who's dumber, Palin or Beck? - Al Depantzyu
Dear Al Depantzyu: Which Palin, Todd, Sarah, Bristol? And which Beck? Can't be the rock star, he's pretty sharp. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Sarah and Glen. - Al Depantzyu
Dear Al Depantzyu: I'm sorry, but you didn't submit this in question form, so there's no question for Answer Man to answer. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Are you making fun of my disabled son Trout? - Sarah from Alaska
Dear Sarah from Alaska: Looks like you just did the Answer Man's job for him, Sarah. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Me smarter than her be! - Glen from Mount Vernon
Dear Glen from Mount Vernon: Is this too difficult a concept for you, Glen? You ask a question, I answer it, period! Maybe tic-tac-toe is more your game than linguistics. Next!
Dear Answer Man: What is the atomic weight of cadmium? - Danny The Dancing Bear
Dear Danny The Dancing Bear: 112.411. Next!
Dear Answer Man: What's your opinion of Israel? - Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg
Dear Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg: Kudos for not shortening your name. Others I've known go with Mo instead of Mort. Anyway, Israel is a small foreign country bordering the Mediterranean Sea in the Middle East, population approximately 7,600,000. It's bigger than Liechtenstein but smaller than New Jersey. Other than that, The Answer Man doesn't think much about the place. Why, is there anything interesting going on there? Next!
Dear Answer Man: You can't be that out of touch! - Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg:
Dear Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg: Again, there's no question here, so Answer Man can't help you. How can Answer Man be expected to provide answers when there is no question? Next!
Dear Answer Man: Geez, Answer Man, what's with that Mort guy? - Bee Mynhus
Dear Bee Mynhus: Probably some geography nut trying to stump The Answer Man. Not going to happen. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Who's hotter, Madonna or Lady Gaga? - Justin Beaver
Dear Justin Beaver: Lady Gaga. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Are you kidding? - Justin Beaver
Dear Justin Beaver: No. Next!
Dear Answer Man: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound, and if so, what sort of sound? - Puddin' Head Wilson.
Dear Puddin' Head Wilson: Of course it makes a sound, the same sound as when you bump your wooden head on reality. Next!
Dear Answer Man: But how can you be sure? Puddin' Head Wilson.
Dear Puddin' Head Wilson: The laws of physics don't change when Puddin' Head Wilson's not around to supervise nature. That's like saying the things that blind people cannot see do not exist. Next!
Dear Answer Man: That's telling him, Answer Man! Now, for my question: What is God's real name? - Manny Tymzover
Dear Manny Tymzover: Slappy Jones. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Is the Mayan calendar correct in predicting that the world will end in 2012? - Tim Eisenmyseid
Dear Tim Eisenmyseid: The world ended a long time ago for the Mayans. If they were any good at predicting the future they'd have known about the Spaniards going all Apacalypto on them, maybe prepared themselves and lived to see 2012. So, the answer is no. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Do you know the secret to life? - Bill Fould
Dear Bill Fould: Yes, yes I do know the secret to life. Next!
Dear Answer Man: You didn't tell me what it is!
Dear Bill Fould: Sorry, Bill, not in the form of a question. Can't help you, pal. Well, folks, that it for The Answer Man for now. Until next time!
Dear Answer Man: Who's dumber, Palin or Beck? - Al Depantzyu
Dear Al Depantzyu: Which Palin, Todd, Sarah, Bristol? And which Beck? Can't be the rock star, he's pretty sharp. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Sarah and Glen. - Al Depantzyu
Dear Al Depantzyu: I'm sorry, but you didn't submit this in question form, so there's no question for Answer Man to answer. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Are you making fun of my disabled son Trout? - Sarah from Alaska
Dear Sarah from Alaska: Looks like you just did the Answer Man's job for him, Sarah. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Me smarter than her be! - Glen from Mount Vernon
Dear Glen from Mount Vernon: Is this too difficult a concept for you, Glen? You ask a question, I answer it, period! Maybe tic-tac-toe is more your game than linguistics. Next!
Dear Answer Man: What is the atomic weight of cadmium? - Danny The Dancing Bear
Dear Danny The Dancing Bear: 112.411. Next!
Dear Answer Man: What's your opinion of Israel? - Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg
Dear Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg: Kudos for not shortening your name. Others I've known go with Mo instead of Mort. Anyway, Israel is a small foreign country bordering the Mediterranean Sea in the Middle East, population approximately 7,600,000. It's bigger than Liechtenstein but smaller than New Jersey. Other than that, The Answer Man doesn't think much about the place. Why, is there anything interesting going on there? Next!
Dear Answer Man: You can't be that out of touch! - Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg:
Dear Mort Goldsteinmanowitzberg: Again, there's no question here, so Answer Man can't help you. How can Answer Man be expected to provide answers when there is no question? Next!
Dear Answer Man: Geez, Answer Man, what's with that Mort guy? - Bee Mynhus
Dear Bee Mynhus: Probably some geography nut trying to stump The Answer Man. Not going to happen. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Who's hotter, Madonna or Lady Gaga? - Justin Beaver
Dear Justin Beaver: Lady Gaga. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Are you kidding? - Justin Beaver
Dear Justin Beaver: No. Next!
Dear Answer Man: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it still make a sound, and if so, what sort of sound? - Puddin' Head Wilson.
Dear Puddin' Head Wilson: Of course it makes a sound, the same sound as when you bump your wooden head on reality. Next!
Dear Answer Man: But how can you be sure? Puddin' Head Wilson.
Dear Puddin' Head Wilson: The laws of physics don't change when Puddin' Head Wilson's not around to supervise nature. That's like saying the things that blind people cannot see do not exist. Next!
Dear Answer Man: That's telling him, Answer Man! Now, for my question: What is God's real name? - Manny Tymzover
Dear Manny Tymzover: Slappy Jones. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Is the Mayan calendar correct in predicting that the world will end in 2012? - Tim Eisenmyseid
Dear Tim Eisenmyseid: The world ended a long time ago for the Mayans. If they were any good at predicting the future they'd have known about the Spaniards going all Apacalypto on them, maybe prepared themselves and lived to see 2012. So, the answer is no. Next!
Dear Answer Man: Do you know the secret to life? - Bill Fould
Dear Bill Fould: Yes, yes I do know the secret to life. Next!
Dear Answer Man: You didn't tell me what it is!
Dear Bill Fould: Sorry, Bill, not in the form of a question. Can't help you, pal. Well, folks, that it for The Answer Man for now. Until next time!
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