MY EMPIRE EXPANDS

Bobcrespo.com, that vast internet juggernaut sweeping the World Wide Web, has now expanded to a new web site on Google's Blogspot called Bob Crespo Speaks. It is strictly a site for blogging my daily tales while bobcrespo.com will continue to exclusively feature my music and short stories, at least until I can figure out some other place to display them. The beauty of it is that it only involves another couple of minutes a day of work on my part. All work and no play makes Bob even more irritable and unreasonable than usual. So now that the mighty Google has joined the Bob Crespo Internet Empire the sky's the limit for my plan for world domination.

Just exactly what I'll do once I achieve this absolute power I really don't know. I haven't really thought that part through. Any suggestions? I'm wide open. I never was big on that whole planning thing. Which is probably why I'm broke, vast internet juggernaut notwithstanding. But I've gotten this far by the seat of pants so I figure something will turn up, some cockamamie idea will pop into my head and I'll run with it. Then I'll have something to do with myself. If that doesn't sound like a viable life model, well, what can I say? Life has been quite eventful and interesting so far and I don't want to screw that part of it up by making plans I'll never follow anyway.

Of course sometimes eventful can mean dangerous or unpleasant, but what the hell, that's all part of life's rich pageant too, no? You've got to take the good with the bad and all that crap. And one can't help but notice that even into the most carefully planned and wel-oiled lives the monkey wrenches fly and things go kablooey every now and then. Defecation occurs, and there's nothing you can do about it. Of course more stuff happens to some than others, and careful people can eliminate a lot of life's nasty surprises. At least that's what I'm told by a lot of people who seem to enjoy giving me advice. I'll just have to take their word for it since their wisdom sort of fades from my brain pretty quick.

Maybe I should start writing some of it down because they really are good people and seem to have a lot of cool stuff figured out, like saving some money and keeping a regular schedule and holding a steady job and things like that. Setting "goals" and making lists of things to do and getting plenty of sleep and eating right. Worrying about stuff that might happen and having a Plan B and whatnot. Interesting concepts. Hope it's working out okay for them.

They tell me I should stop smoking cigarettes but I've already stopped drinking and ingesting various chemicals so I need at least one vexing addiction. Besides, it annoys the crap out of exactly the kind of people I like to annoy the crap out of. You know the type, people who don't even know you and really don't care one way or another about you who stop what they are doing to announce that everything you do is poisonous and sinful and everything they do is healthy and virtuous. Here's a tip when you want to get rid of one of these pests; light up a smoke and tell them to keep on jogging, Utopia's just over that next tortuous hill and there's a whole bunch of people there waiting for you so they can extensively praise your virtues and listen to your lectures. Usually they get the hint, but with the stubborn ones you might need to blow smoke in their face to facilitate their departure.

Back to my half-assed plan for world domination. What should I do once I achieve ultimate authority? Probably lose interest and get involved in something else like I always do. Thinking it over, maybe it's not such a good idea after all. There's nobody that needs straightening out by me, nobody I hate and I haven't got the answers to what life is all about. Sorry. I also have no clue as to what to do with all those places in the world where everybody seems to hate everybody else for no apparent reason. At least not any solutions that wouldn't involve me calling them a bunch of idiots and making things worse, and then they'd just start murdering their neighbors in their beds again. Nobody wants that. Other than the people who live in those places and go in for that sort of thing, that is. It's the rest of us who could do without that sort of behavior.

No, I think i'll just stay here in Brooklyn where I belong, playing my music, writing my songs and stories and living my life, such as it is. Maybe I could travel more, but I've seen some of the world, been to some locales. Everywhere you go there's people all over the place, just like here. Maybe I'd travel more if there was a place that wasn't like that. Wonder where that could be?

So, I'm announcing a new outlet for my blogs, the aforementioned Bob Crespo Speaks. I hate the word blog, by the way. It's better than diary, I suppose, but not much. Most of my blogs are about something specific, unlike this one. When you do this every day you learn to spin our wheels with stuff like this when there's nothing much on your mind. It happens. You can't be riveting and hilarious every day. I know I wouldn't want to hang out with somebody who's riveting and hilarious all the time. It would only be a matter of time before they got on your nerves and you'd be obliged to whack them in the head an couple of times with loaf of Italian bread and tell them to relax already. That way it's not a fatal encounter but the message is effectively delivered.

So, it's time to rest up and prepare for more of not doing much of anything specific. It's harder than you might imagine. There's nobody to tell you what to do and there's no instruction booklet handy. When you invent yourself you're sort of a perpetual work in progress. If i ever find out how I turn out I'll let you know. Meanwhile, life is a gas and the world is full of fascinating people and interesting events. Stay tuned...