ASK THE ANSWER MAN!

Editor's note:It's NEW FEATURE TIME once again here at bobcrespo.com HQ in sunny Brooklyn. Today's new entry is a fairly straightforward posting. You ask questions and THE ANSWER MAN answers them. Hence the name THE ANSWER MAN. Not much else to say:

Greetings from THE ANSWER MAN! Here's how this works: You ask a question, any question at all, and I answer it. It's just that simple! Let's see what brain-busters you readers of bobcrespo.com have come up with for THE ANSWER MAN. I'm told this a very bright demographic so I'll be sure to be on my toes. Let's go:

Dear Answer Man: When was the War of 1812? - Fredo from Vegas

Dear Fredo from Vegas: 1812. Next!

Dear Answer Man: What's the capitol of Washington, D.C.? - Jimmy Crackhorn

Dear Jimmy Crackhorn:Washington, D.C. is the capitol city of the United States, Jimmy, and so does not have a capitol. Next!

Dear Answer Man: My bad! I meant the capitol of Washington State. - Jimmy Crackhorn

Dear Jimmy Crackhorn: I'm sorry, but there was no question in this letter. Can't help you. Next!

Dear Answer Man: Okay, okay! Is the capitol of Washington State The District of Columbia? - Jimmy Crackhorn

Dear Jimmy Crackhorn: No. Now that's 3 times in a row for you, pal. Give someone else a chance. Next!

Dear Answer Man: I'm doing a crossword puzzle I'm stuck on a 3-letter word for "man's second-best friend." Can you help me out here? - Sherry Pye

Dear Sherry Pye: The answer is "cat." It is spelled C-A-T. Next!

Dear Answer Man: But what if I hate cats? They wouldn't even be my 1,000th best friend! What would the answer be then, Mr. Big Shot Answer Man? - Sherry Pye

Dear Sherry Pye: The answer is "cat." It is spelled C-A-T. Next!

Dear Answer Man:How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? - Chuck Wood

Dear Chuck Wood: Just enough to make you a new wooden head, Chuck. Next!

Dear Answer Man: What is the most accurate figure for the value of Pi (∏)? - Forrest Sherwood

Dear Forrest Sherwood: That would be, to the 50th place: ∏≈ 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716933337510. Next!

Dear Answer Man: Don't you feel guilty answering all these foolish questions? - Benedict from Rome

Dear Benedict from Rome: Answer Man doesn't question how the heck you make your living, sir. Back off. Next!

Dear Answer Man: What's with that guy? - Butch McCoy

Dear Butch McCoy: He's a jerk. Next!

Dear Answer Man:What's that little hangy-down thing on my Grandma's neck that's just like a turkey has? What do you call that thing? I think it's funny. - Ginny who's 6

Dear Ginny who's 6: That's called a dewlap, honey, also known as a wattle, and it is not funny. Fear it. Next!

Dear Answer Man: What's the best way to plug an oil leak at the bottom of the sea? I can make it worth your while. - Tony from the U.K.

Dear Tony from the U.K.: Answer Man has that answer, Tony. Let's meet privately and talk turkey. Next!

Dear Answer Man:If a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody there to hear it fall, how much time would it take for a woodchuck to chuck it? Gotcha! - Chuck Wood

Dear Chuck Wood: Forever. The truth is, woodchucks really can't chuck wood, Chuck Wood. Now, The Answer Man is outta here. Tony from the U.K. is sending a jet. See ya!