Bobcrespo.com feels your pain. We know only too well you're wondering when it will be safe to read the papers and watch the news again. Simply put, there's just nothing good happening lately, and to add insult to injury, it's World Cup time, which has become somehow even more irritating with the addition of the screeching vuvuzela horns. But we can pretend, can't we? Let's just slap up some decent headlines for just one day and make the world go away! Who wouldn't welcome these headlines?:
OBAMA KICKS BRITISH PETROLEUM BOSS' ASS ON LARRY KING LIVE
BEN & JERRY'S ROCKY ROAD FOUND TO CURE CANCER
MIRACLE CROP REVEALED, GLOBAL STARVATION ELIMINATED
LEBRON JAMES SIGNS WITH BROOKLYN NETS
NO GOALS SCORED IN ANY GAMES, WORLD CUP DECLARED A 32- WAY TIE AND CANCELLED FOREVER
SARAH PALIN SUFFERING FROM LARYNGITIS
A CRISIS OCCURS FAR AWAY AND US NAVY SHIPS DON'T RESPOND,
"NONE OF OUR BUSINESS" SAYS PREZ
MASS RESIGNATIONS ON WALL STREET! STOCKHOLDER REVOLT FORCES OUT CRIMINAL CEOS
FORTUNE 500 COMPANIES RETURN THEIR FACTORIES TO AMERICAN SOIL, MILLIONS EMPLOYED
MANNED MARS MISSION LAUNCHED
OSAMA BIN LADEN CAPTURED, AL QAEDA DISBANDED
BOTH WARS ENDED, TROOPS ON THEIR WAY HOME
AMERICA HALVES MILITARY BUDGET, INVESTS IN EDUCATION, HEALTH CARE, RESEARCH AND INFRASTRUCTURE
PROMINENT MUSLIM CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE COMPLETE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE
PROMINENT CHRISTIAN CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE COMPLETE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE
PROMINENT HINDU CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE
PROMINENT JEWISH CLERICS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, EMBRACE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE
PROMINENT SCIENTOLOGISTS ADMIT THAT EVEN THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL SCIENTOLOGY STANDS FOR
PROMINENT WORLD LEADERS CONDEMN VIOLENCE, VOW TO DELIVER WORLD PEACE
GUY WITHOUT SPIKY HAIR WINS AMERICAN IDOL
GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK WINS GOOD CITIZENSHIP AWARD
PROFESSIONAL LOBBYISTS SHUNNED BY CONGRESS, CORPORATE TAX BREAKS CANCELLED
CHEAP, EFFECTIVE SOLAR POWER UNVEILED, OIL WELLS ABANDONED, OPEC FINISHED
KEY TO PERFECT HEALTH FOUND - BEER!
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