HOW THINGS REALLY WORK

In this modern and complex world, there are so may things we don't understand. The great depth and breadth of technology makes it impossible for any one man to know how everything works. We are a world of specialists, with each of us relying on one another to hold up their end of the bargain. It wasn't always so. A couple of hundred years ago pretty much everybody knew how the world works and what they had to do to survive. Other than kings and the like, who got other people to do everything for them, people had all the skills they needed; how to chop wood, make a fire, plant crops, raise animals, dig a well, sew clothes, cook meals, hunt and fish, build a house and a barn and all the other tasks that made up a life back then.

There were a few specialists around, like blacksmiths, wainwrights who made the wagons, boat builders, midwives, barber-surgeons(!) and a few doctors, but in a pinch most could fill in at those jobs adequately. Then came the Industrial Revolution and its machines that led in a hurry to all sorts of intricate and interacting technology, rendering us all interdependent. So as a public service, bobcrespo.com has decided to let everyone in on how some things work. You know, just in case the guy who's supposed to be on the ball with something important calls in sick and then we're all screwed, or if you were just wondering what's up with something that seems pretty complicated.

If you were wondering whether or not to buy a new computer, one with all the bells and whistles, well, forget about it. For one thing, you've probably just lost your job and can't afford it, and for another, odds are you are not NASA or IBM and don't need to be on the cutting edge of technology in order to Twitter, Facebook and game your life away. Unless you feel a pressing need to solve the whole array of Quantum equations in a matter of seconds, just buy some new memory chips and install them yourself. They snap in and will give you plenty of memory to install that dopey new computer game all your grown up child friends are babbling about. Or, you can venture out into the world and get a life. Your call.

If you're wondering how the economy works, you're in good company. So are economists. We here at bobcrepo.com aren't so sure either, but it seems that the idea of companies being worth what people think they are worth as opposed to what they are really worth has run out of steam. What happened was that the guys who made all that stuff up died and the new breed of corporate executives didn't have the knack to maintain the illusion. When faced with the prospect of telling themselves that their companies were only worth whatever monetary values they had and not a penny more, they panicked and started stealing everything that wasn't nailed down and claiming that the carpets in their corporate offices were made of spun gold and so the company was worth trillions instead of mere billions.

It was all air money anyway, so it didn't make a difference one way or the next until some mail room clerk pointed out the emperor's new clothes and the whole house of cards collapsed. So now we're back to a toaster being worth 39 bucks, no matter what level of confidence anyone has in that toaster, and whether or not some executive thinks it is worth ten million dollars. We'll keep an eye on any new developments and see if a new fantasy upon which to base our economy is formulated and keep you posted.

In the quest for renewable energy, some people have expressed dismay that the giant oil companies are not jumping on the bandwagon and have gone on record as opposing research into "unproven technologies," just as theirs once was. Why does that shock anyone? Did horse-drawn wagon manufacturers encourage Henry Ford? Looking to the oil companies to help out here is like asking your drug dealer to spot you the money for rehab, or asking King George III if you can use his printing press to run off copies of the Declaration of Independence. In no areas of human endeavor do the powers-that-be seek to become the powers-that-were. Revolutions of any sort are never started by people who think things are just peachy the way they are. We're on our own with this one.

When reporters interview the neighbors of a mass murderer who say what a nice guy he was and the last person you'd expect to commit such a heinous crime, those are not really his neighbors. They are actors who recorded their parts years ago and the stock footage is used again and again since producers figured it would be a waste of money to pay a camera crew to record the same old song and dance for every psycho that comes down the pike with a grudge and an assault rifle. Notice how the camera is always on the grim-faced reporter when the killer's name is mentioned. It's dubbed in by another actor and the reporter is actually in a studio in front of a blue screen and film editors splice the footage together to make it seem real. So, if it turns out that one of your neighbors goes on a killing spree, don't go looking for Eyewitless News to give your your 15 minutes of fame. For that, you'll need to do something really stupid and they'll be there in a flash.

Oh, and one more thing. There is no such thing as cholesterol. That was the brainstorm of a pharmaceutical company executive faced with plummeting sales figures. It was a simple matter of bribing a few doctors, making up some impressive looking charts and manufacturing an expensive placebo to "control" your cholesterol level. Centuries of common sense telling you not to eat too much fatty foods was ingeniously incorporated into the sales gimmick and Bingo!, a new scourge was created! As a bonus, a lot of people worried themselves sick over cholesterol and sales of ulcer medications and anti-depressants shot through the roof, assuring that executive a place in the Huckster Hall of Fame. Thus encouraged, he went on to invent ADD, ADaD and Bipolar disease. He is currently working in a new phony mental syndrome involving sunlight, figuring to include the whole world as prospective victims eligible for "treatment and therapy," available exclusively at is pharmaceutical corporation.