AN ODD SCIENTIFIC SOUVENIR

Interesting item in the science pages the other day. A gallon of plutonium produced in 1944 and left over from the Manhattan Project that built the world's first atomic bombs has been located. Where was this lethal stuff stored, you ask? Probably in some lead-lined canister plated with steel and concrete so as not tho leak radioactivity and pollute the area and kill people slowly from radiation poisoning, right? Well, guess again! It was found in a garbage dump, inside an old beat up safe, and the plutonium was in a glass bottle. All the scientists were excited about recovering some of the first plutonium ever made, acting like they had just dug up the complete skeleton of of a wooly mammoth or something. No mention was made in the story of the irresponsible way the plutonium had been stored for 65 years.

That stuff is not exactly grape juice, to be put in a glass jug inside somebody's office safe. Wasn't the military in charge of the Manhattan Project? You'd think they'd sort of keep track of every molecule of plutonium they made, what with it being the raw material for nuclear weapons and all. So now you have to wonder what other bonehead decided to keep some around as a souvenir, maybe have a jar of it up on the old mantle as a reminder of their participation in the glory days of providing humanity with the means to finally annihilate each other down to the last smoldering man, woman and child. Perhaps some of the participating scientists have slices of the famous "yellow cake" nuclear fuel lying around in their attics with the bowling trophies and the broken Christmas lights.

Anybody buying that house will be in for a nasty surprise when they disturb the stuff and find out that they now have a glow-in-the-dark family. We're just lucky it wasn't a bunch of kids prowling that garbage dump and prying open that safe in Washington State. Remember those "Amazing Colossal Man" movies from the 1950's, where some guy was exposed to heavy radiation and grew to be a 50-foot tall dude with an attitude? Imagine the trouble a half dozen 50-foot tall 10-year olds could cause? What Army General would have the heart to order an air strike on the Colossal Kids? They'd probably wreck half the Pacific Northwest before anybody did anything about them.

So science dweebs, don't go celebrating your incredible discovery. Instead, get out the paperwork form the 1940's and figure out how much of this stuff is still laying around. You need not wonder why nobody wants a nuclear reactor anywhere near their house when this is how the excess plutonium is stored and handled. We like our kids with only the usual two eyes and ten fingers and toes, thank you very much, and don't have much sympathy with scientists who might want to hang on to a souvenir that could kill everybody for miles around if it falls off their desk. Stick with the plaques for meritorious service as the source of your fond memories and leave to he plutonium where it belongs, wherever that could possibly be.

One place it definitely doesn't belong is in a garbage dump with the banana peels and rusty bicycles. And the method used to open the safe when it was found? A tractor busted open the safe, not exactly an instrument noted for its kid glove finesse. Understandable from the point of view of the guys in the garbage dump driving their tractor. It's sort of their job to bash and mash the garbage down so it rots away and it's only natural to be curious as to what's inside that antique safe. The last thing they would expect is a glass bottle of metal death which, had they smashed it, would never rot away, or at least not for 25,000 years or so, effectively putting that dump off limits for the foreseeable future, putting the garbage dump guys out of a job and maybe even the whole surrounding community out of their homes for 25 centuries. That's not good. Really, science guys, temper your enthusiasm and take a little extra care with this stuff. You people are supposes to be part of the solution around here, not the problem. Get with the program or surrender your long white coats.