INTRODUCING SHITHEAD: THAT'S MISTER SHITHEAD TO YOU!

Shithead here. That's what my friends call me, but to you it's Mister Shithead. I have been invited to be the guest blogger here at bobcrespo.com, and it's about friggin' time! You're probably asking yourself, why Mister Shithead? Well, because I'm Mister Shithead and you're not, you lame bozo! I represent a significant portion of humanity, and give voice to the Shitheads of this world. Got a problem with that? The clowns here at bobcrespo.com finally realized that this website desperately needs some new blood, and Mister Shithead was available cheap so here we are.

What to talk about? Usually, that would be myself, since Shitheads can't seem to get enough of that subject, but not today. Today I bitch and moan about the lack of respect given my brethren and sistren. What the hell would you fools talk about with all the Shitheads out there, without whom you would be nothing? From Donald Trump to Madonna, and all the Shitheads in between, you can't seem to get enough of our kind. Just because our main man Bush The Younger went away doesn't mean we all have. At least he didn't get killed by some lame stingray like the Crocodile Hunting Shithead did. No, Dumbya is out there courting arrest by intentional military tribunals, letting the whole world know that he still doesn't get it! And why should he? He's one of us, a real Shithead and proud of it.

Oh, that bothers you, does it? Too friggin' bad! You want it to be all about you, then you go out and do something incredibly stupid! How about his ex-boss, Shotgun Dick Cheney? Now there's a Hall of Fame Shithead if ever there was one. I get goose bumps when he goes on TV and defends torture and the repeal of The Bill of Rights. He's my hero. He even has his own fan club, called Fox News.That's an organization we Shitheads can relate to! If you want some real foam-at-the-mouth phony outrage and made-up facts, Fox News is your go-to place on the dial, as reliable as the sunrise. Tell me Bill O'Really and Glen Blecch aren't the biggest Shitheads on TV!

And if you like those guys you'll love Lush Limburger, the fat drug addict radio guy who just got promoted to being the boss of all bosses of the Republican Party, beating out his two main female rivals for the title, Anne Coltish and Sarah Impaler. Take that, Feminazis! This Shithead says it's about damned time someone rescued the GOP from the margins of power and brought the rest of the Shitheads into the fold. Good Old Lush is getting even richer by becoming a traitor, wishing his president and therefore his country to fail! It's a beautiful thing. That ought to keep him in Hillbilly Heroin for at least a decade.

You like entertainment news? Who doesn't? How about that Amy Winehouse, eh? Instead of bothering with that whole long-productive-career-flushed-down-the-toilet crap, she cut right to the chase and went into train wreck mode right off the bat. A true Shithead knows which side of the bread gets the most butter. She's reached a bigger audience than any 10 non-shithead artists in no time at all! And how can I forget world class Shitheads like Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson? These guys are out there working it! And how about Doctor Phil? What a guy! His personal life is something out of Jerry Springer Land and yet he has millions listening to his jerkoff advice. What's not to love?

Then you have your business tycoon Shitheads, no shortage of those guys out there lately. It seems they felt they weren't getting their fair share of publicity and had to do something dramatic to call attention to themselves. Did they ever! Nothing says "I'm a Shithead" like stealing all the money. Is there anybody on the planet who hasn't heard of Bernie Madoff by now? Well, he's famous and you're not, and the rest of the Shithead tycoons are getting more ink than Brad and Angelina these days. Oh, they took a lot of taxpayer dough in bonuses? Well, exactly who expected anything different? Bad enough they couldn't buy a new jet this year, they had to steal something! Like the punch line to that old joke about the lady and the snake says: "I never said I wasn't a snake!"

So, the rest of you, get the hell over it! It's a Shithead's World, and you just live in it. It's all about us, all the time. We like to call it "The Audacity of Dopes." We're the cloud in the silver lining, the thorn on the rose and the fly in your soup and you can't get enough of us. The woods are thick with Shitheads and I am their spokesman. I am Mister Shithead and I'm telling you fools that we're here to stay. Deal with it.