MODERN CHINESE PROVERBS

The world has long marveled at the wisdom and insight of ancient Chinese proverbs. Most are pretty much pointing out the obvious in ways that make one think the writer clever, a neat trick employed quite often in these pages. "A journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step," was Confucius' way of saying don't sit around moping at the enormity of the task before you, get off your ass and do something. "A picture is worth a thousand words" was also his, as is this counsel to have patience: "If today will not, tomorrow may." The guy was a gold mine of the simple wisdom all too often overlooked by we humans in our daily quest for survival and riches.

China has changed quite a bit since the old days. Once it was an enchanting land of beautiful architecture, advanced science and mathematics, fine culture, art, scholarship, wisdom and various living amenities developed well in advance of western civilization. Their literature enlightened the world's scholars. Along the centuries, China suffered at the hands of imperial western nations and lost much of her power, culminating in the devastating invasion by Japan in the 1930's through 1945. After World War 2, Mao Tse-tung and his communist armies took over and founded The People's Republic of China.

Mao, who somehow is still revered as some sort of cuddly father figure even though he was responsible for around 30 million murders of his own countrymen, transformed China. On top of all the bloodshed, he instituted a horribly repressive regime that forbade dissent of any sort, forced people unfamiliar with farming to work a barren countryside and screwed up their economy completely while building a huge army and issuing threats to the rest of the world. He also instituted a forced conformity in China, best illustrated by getting a billion people to wear identical drab grey suits. It was Chairman Mao who invented the phrase "politically incorrect," using that accusation to torture and kill countless Chinese. "The Great Helmsman" steered his country firmly into poverty, oppression and starvation.

It was only after Mao's death that China started on the road to being the successful manufacturing nation they are today. His successors, while still keeping a tight rein on dissent, little by little unleashed their people's energy and built a world class economy, the only nominally communist country to ever write a financial success story for a significant portion of their population. The faceless conformity remains, however, and the wit and wisdom of the China of today is a far cry from the poetic and original pearls that used to emanate from their society. Some sad samples:

It is written in jade: A foreigner will swoon and give you much personal information if you tell them your name is Jimmy.

Who can deny, ten thousand coal power plants will be rancid in the heavens.

As day follows night, so must the Dalai Lama be hunted.

A monk in a cell is worth two pummeled in the street.

He who loses three fingers in the foundry will use his remaining seven with heightened diligence.

An enlightening idea is well worth the stealing.

A hungry peasant is best kept hidden.

When plagued with doubt, ask your commissar the correct opinion.

That child is most filled with bliss who operates a 12 ton hydraulic press without safety equipment to encumber his productive joy.

Waste not heavy steel beams and reinforced concrete on school buildings.

Seek not forbidden knowledge on the internet.

He who thinks he has learned what is best for himself soon learns otherwise in a People's Reeducation Camp.

Let no man deny that the finest quality paint is made with Chinese lead.

Celebrate your hatred of Taiwan.

Who can deny, longing for freedom is a criminal act.

The best air to breathe is that which can be seen and tasted.

It is truly etched in jade: Personal safety is one with silent obedience.

Ordinary men do not possess the wisdom to question nuclear power plants being placed by scientists in what are incorrectly called earthquake zones.

Only a fool would criticize his government.

Who can deny, the destination for fools is prison.

Indeed, of greater value than purest white ivory is pirated software.

Cursed will he be he who allows foreigners to stray from official tourist destinations.

He is wisest who sees little and speaks less.

Personal fulfillment is best achieved by making Little Mermaid T-shirts and baseball caps to be sold in Wal-Mart for 15 hours each day.

Let all men rejoice that their leaders live in splendor.