WIFE, WIBERTY AND THE PURSUIT OF KWAZY WABBITS

So now that Obama is the President-elect the crazy e-mails are starting to flow again. That didn't take very long now, did it? It is both refreshing and reassuring to note that the insane fringe element whose political representatives have run this country into the ground for 8 years are still feeling their oats and still trying to sow the seeds of racism and divisive hatred. That proves that our republic is so resilient that there is still room for even the biggest blowhards and nut jobs to have their say. That is to say that they failed in their mission to get all of us to drink the Kool Aid of hatred and mistrust, and their frenzied efforts to do so only strengthened the resolve of the rest of us to enjoy their whacky antics while we retain our heritage of freedom, tolerance, understanding and having a good laugh wherever and whenever available.

Maybe now Jesus Freaks can comfortably return to being the annoying but endlessly amusing lunatics they've always been, claiming exclusive rights to the truth, challenging anyone and everyone unfortunate enough to cross their path to make heads or tails out of their idiotic theology. Like many fringe groups who have attained power throughout history, they were uneasy running the show and made the predictable awful mess of it, sort of the Moe, Larry and Curly school of government. Having Elmer Fudd in the White House declaring much of the rest of the world to be Kwazy Wabbits was hardly what one would call a reasonable response to some pretty daunting challenges faced by this nation in recent years. Well, Bush The Younger screwed up in ways one didn't even think were possible and to our delight the United States proved just idiot-proof enough to survive even the zany antics of President Dumbya. Thank God for the Founding Fathers, eh? The system they designed can even withstand venal morons being in charge.

Which is not to say that the man won't be missed. His constituency won't be the only ones longing for his completely incomprehensible seat-of-his-pants governing style. The nation's comedy industry can expect to endure a severe recession upon the restoration of sanity to the Executive Branch. Even marginally talented comedians throughout this vast land forged lucrative careers by simply repeating onstage what they read in the newspapers that morning. Now they'll have to actually write their own material, so expect a great separation of the wheat and the chaff in the comedy sector very soon. It will be just like in the investment banking and mortgage lending industries, with only the fittest surviving and thriving, although odds are the government won't be rushing to stuff hundreds of billions of dollars in the comics' pockets.

But the psycho e-mailers are already on the job denouncing Muslims, Liberals, Blacks, Latinos and those of us not eagerly awaiting the Rapture. One looks forward to the next Newt Gingrich trying to wrest control of Congress with a new Contract With America while he divorces his cancer-stricken wife in her hospital bed to marry his young trophy wife before being thrown out of Congress on his fat ass in complete disgrace. Now, that was damned amusing! Maybe not for President Clinton, though, who saw his administration stalled in its tracks for two years while he was forced to explain a blow job, of all things, as if there is an adult in the nation unfamiliar with the dynamics of that act. All in all, an odd forum for sex education and absolutely nobody's business but the blower and the blowee.

This time around the joke will likely be on the Christian Fascists, the sort of clowns who passed the anti-gay marriage referendums in 3 states. The funniest of these is the one in California, funded and sponsored by the Mormons, those people who think so highly of marriage that they do it a bunch of times themselves, even to the point of auctioning off pre-teenage girls for sale to middle aged Chester the Molesters to be their 5th or 6th wives, after their other wives have passed the age of desirability, around age 28 or so. These are the people with whom the Neo-Cons have allied themselves. Of course for many Americans the nauseating repugnance and creepy factors sort of negate the humor of the situation, but for fans of black humor it's a real laugh riot. After having their shot and royally screwing the pooch, this is all these goobers have left to offer their nation, denying homosexuals the same rights and privileges as other citizens, Diamond Jim Crow laws if you will, just like the laws in 16 states prohibiting marriage between blacks and whites that lasted well into the 1960's, when the Civil Rights Act rendered them null and void. Wait until the U.S. Supreme Court gets a load of these laws. They can kiss them goodbye too. If any grown man or woman feels threatened by homosexuals, well, the best person to consult for that problem is the one in the mirror.

Anything there you're not telling us about? One is reminded of much of the Muslim world placing their wives under house arrest while they make love to teenage boys, or of one of their former poster boys for anti-gay rhetoric, Senator Larry Craig of airport men's room stall fame, the spiritual successor to the original Republican private boy-toy loving, public gay bashing icon, Roy Cohn, a man ahead of his time. It appears that their public reaction to the ass-whipping they just received at the polls does not include going back to being the conservative but reasonable Republican Party of years past, a party of men such as Dwight Eisenhower, Jacob Javits, George Romney, John Foster Dulles, Henry Cabot Lodge and other intelligent, sober-minded, educated and sane individuals.

Around the time of Ronald Reagan, a decidedly anti-intellectual, dimwitted but amiable and telegenic B-movie actor, the Republican Party went completely nuts and has yet to recover their senses in spite of the wide availability of psychotropic drugs available from medical science that would modulate their severe mood swings and help out with the paranoia. Oh, that's right, these Neanderthals reject science as liberal voodoo attacks on the Bible and their idol-worshipping brand of Fascist-Christianity, insisting the earth is only 5,769 years old. Okaaaay, gotcha. E-mails are fine, but stem cell research is bad. The right to life extends to those not yet born but not the 36,000 actual living people who die each day from starvation on this planet. Burning fossil fuels is okay, so long as we agree there's no such things as actual fossils.

Get back to us when you people are ready to lead the free world again, but please wait a decent interval until the smart guys have straightened out your godawful mess. And by the way, maybe by then you can explain to us exactly how your ideology differs from the Islamic Fascist terrorists you people insist are crawling out of the woodwork and on the verge of conquering America, and why your beloved Dumbya let Osama bin Laden off the hook. You guys went away before explaining that one. And maybe you can explain away Jesus Christ's statement that of all the commandments, the greatest of these is love.

Maybe tell us what he really meant to say, that he meant to exclude gays, liberals and people of a different race or religious persuasion as being worthy of love, compassion or equality. But that would sort of discount his whole Good Samaritan parable, wouldn't it? Seems problematic, but we're counting on your convoluted logic to come up with a surefire amusing way around that one, too. Good laughs are getting harder to come by in the grim world you have bequeathed us. In the meanwhile, keep up the good work with the hilarious e-mails. Maybe it's not as gratifying as pissing all over the nation and the world like you have for the past 8 years, but, hey, it's something. Spam away, goobers!