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In Jerusalem the other day a brawl broke out between Christian monks of different denominations over who gets to hold sway over the alleged tomb of Jesus Christ. Riot police were called in and bloodied monks arrested. It seems that no less than 6 denominations share control over the site, and even claim to have uncovered the actual cross upon which Christ was crucified. The different denominations are constantly bickering and turf wars are common, which leads one to wonder if they have ever studied the actual Gospels, the accounts of the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, a guy who emphatically maintained that none of the things these various monks argue about is remotely important; dubious relics, grave sites and the physical manifestation of man that is our bodies, or what's left of them when Mother Nature gets busy on dead things. The message was the important thing and the rest is idol worship and a sort of morbid fascination with death and rotting objects. But it does make for some pretty funny mental images, monks fist fighting over the Prince of Peace...

Not to be outdone by alleged Christians on the religious hypocrisy front, 6,000 Muslim clerics in India have signed on to a Fatwa issued against Islamic terrorists. This Fatwa (a non-binding resolution by a Muslim cleric or scholar, or in this case 6,000 of them) says that young Muslims must be put on "the right path" rather than pursuing suicide bombing or warfare as a career. Sounds reasonable. Now, if only those young desperadoes in question could read, maybe they could become real Muslims, enslaving their wives and burning their faces with acid when they resist house arrest, a practice not uncommon in Indian Muslim circles. No word on any Fatwas in the works regarding women's rights...

Barack Oama is being looked upon to save the world. Babies are being named after him all over the globe and the expectations of his policies to lead the world into universal peace and prosperity are enormous. So, now that he has pulled off the nearly impossible by getting himself elected in the first place, he is expected to not only capably govern the United States through a time of severe crisis, but to be some sort of Global Messiah who will solve all of mankind's myriad problems. His had better be a damned broad set of shoulders, no? But hey, no pressure, Mr. Obama...

Now that the campaign is over, it turns out that Sarah Palin is even dumber than our nation's comedians portrayed her to be. Not only could she not name any newspapers, magazines or Supreme Court decisions with which she was familiar, but she didn't know how many countries (3, count 'em!) are in North America and thought that Africa was a country, not a continent filled with a lot of nations. She figured South Africa was the southern part of the nation of Africa. Wow. Not only that, it seems she was an annoying prima donna who was a nightmare for her handlers. As previously reported in these pages, the only ones who generally have "handlers" are dancing bears and mental patients, who also are quite problematic for their handlers from time to time. Mental patients and dancing bears, however, very seldom come within six percentage points of being a heartbeat away from the most difficult and powerful job on earth...

Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao says developed countries must contribute 1% of their gross national product to pay for the transfer of clean energy technology to developing nations. This from the leader of a nation that builds a smoke-belching coal power plant every couple of weeks. He also insists developed nations cease their "unsustainable lifestyles" while they're underwriting trying to solve his nation's filthy sulfur clouds that reach thousands of miles in every direction, polluting many other nations. So, what he seems to be asking is that citizens of developed nations start living like citizens of underdeveloped nations. Living like citizens of countries like, say... hmmm... maybe China!

Sure, people in developed nations can't wait to work in polluted, unsafe conditions for low wages under a government that exports food while millions of their own citizens are malnourished. A government that allows no free speech, censors the media and crushes political dissent brutally. A country where schools collapse in an earthquake because the government allowed shoddy construction methods in the buildings where their children spend six hours a day. Yeah, sure, Mr. Jiabao, we'll give up all the amenities we've worked for over generations and centuries to attain, the societies we've fought and bled for and the way of life that ensures as much safety and comfort as can be had in this uncertain world. No problemo! Line forms to the left...