FUNNY LITTLE CAPS AND PRESIDENTIAL FIATS

Now that we are openly nationalizing our banking industry, isn't it about time for Bush The Younger, Shotgun Dick Cheney and Hell of a Job Paulie Paulson to get with the program and start wearing funny little military style caps? Don't these guys know their history? Even Johnny-Come-Lately leftist power grabber Hugo Chavez of Venezuela knows the drill when it comes to nationalizing industries and dutifully appears in public when he's making his dictatorial pronouncements wearing psuedo-military garb, complete with brimmed hat. How are we supposed to know who the hell the Communists are if they don't dress the part? Say what you will about Stalin and Castro, but at least these guys had the good sense to drop all pretensions of normal civilian rule and dress accordingly.

One supposes that we can forgive Shotgun Dick for not dressing like Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator since he's only (wink-wink) the Vice President, but if Bush The Younger and Paulson are going to continue going all Castro and Che on us, they'd better get with the program and tell their tailors to get busy pronto. Bush used to be good at that sort of thing, dressing up in pilot suits and cowboy outfits before he became completely withdrawn and marginalized. That means its up to the big boss Shotgun Dick to enforce the Messianic Revolutionary dress code for his fascist underlings when they take to the podium to announce another government fiat proclaiming a takeover of Microsoft or suspending the right to peaceful assembly.

And it's not only Chavez leading the power-mad pack with funny caps and uniforms. Our leaders could take a lot of sartorial tips from former South American strongmen from Peron to Pinochet when it comes to fancy musical theater uniforms, complete with gold braid and all sorts of medals they invent and force others to present them with. Hey, we're America, dammit! We're supposed to be on the cutting edge of world trends. So when our leaders decide to skip consulting with voters and reformulate our government into a fascist-socialist state run by presidential decree, well by God they'd better look the part! Nationalize the costume departments of the Hollywood movie studios if you must! They've got plenty of perfectly good over-the-top uniforms left over from movies like "Moon Over Parador" and "Reds."

Properly attired, our leaders could then go about the business of canceling November's Presidential elections by calling the current banking crisis and government asset-grab a national emergency, especially now that their hand-picked errand boy McCain is slipping badly in the polls. Give Secretary of Defense Gates similar sweeping powers to those of Treasury Secretary Paulson, bypassing the pesky Congress and the rabble we so quaintly call "the electorate." Better yet, bring back Donald Rumsfeld, who was born to play the role. It's easy to picture Rummy in jack boots and shiny-billed cap holding a public ceremony to burn the original copy of the United States Constitution, denouncing it as anti-American hogwash filled with girly man individual rights, freedom of speech and the press at the expense of the glory of The Motherland.

The uniforms would mean they could drop the last transparent vestiges of conducting American government as it was so mistakenly designed, handing power to the people rather than the government. Wealthy corporate princes cold save a lot of money wasted on expensive lobbying organizations by simply being incorporated into the power structure, like the Krupps of Third Reich Germany and Mitsubishi of Imperial Japan. This way all pretense of government of the people, by the people and for the people could be easily dropped and all of our incessant and counterproductive political arguments silenced once and for all. All it takes to get the ball rolling is a funny little cap.