WHO CARES, REVISITED

There's a lot going on these days to be sure, stuff you can't help being concerned about. There's hurricanes drowning the South, gasoline eating your money, home foreclosures, global warming, war, recession, a stupid president and the Yankees' season is going nowhere. That's plenty enough n our plates right there. So a lot of stuff that come down the media pike that is presented as some crisis or another is really just a bunch of nonsense spewing from the mouths of cranky assholes and clueless hairdos in suits designed to distract us from our real problems, and all you can say to this Shit Parade is: Who cares?

Take this whole Sarah Palin deal. Who cares? She's the Vice Presidential candidate, running for an office that has the power to break tie votes in the U.S. Senate, period. And if this political and intellectual lightweight has jump-started John McCain's bid for the presidency, well that pretty much tells you all you need to know about John McCain's substance. And who cares that her daughter got knocked up by some redneck punk? It's not your family facing this crisis, it's the Palin family. They'll speak to the kids, maybe in tongues, and figure it out for themselves. Doesn't change the fact that Sarah Palin is a lying sack of shit who has no idea what she's gotten herself into. She looks like nothing so much as a home attendant for a doddering geezer who has a crush on her. Political Phenomenon, my ass. Small fish in a big pond is more like it. And when she gets gobbled up, well, again, who cares? Such is life in politics. She'll go back to Alaska and continue to be their problem.

And what about McCain's maverick image? Maverick? When? Where? How? That's just invented bullshit because the guy has a nasty temper. He was never a reformer or an independent thinker in all his years in Washington. Not for 5 minutes. So, because he's an angry old man, that makes him a maverick reformer? Only in the minds of his public relations people, and who gives a rat's ass about spin doctors? Look at how he voted as a Senator these past 8 years (95% of the time with our worst president ever) and the policies he's proposing (more of the same as the past 8 years) and you get the picture of McCain.

And look at how quickly and easily he sheds his political skin, changing positions faster than an agile porn star. That makes him a chameleon of convenience, not a rebel of any sort. The only thing he firmly believes from week to week is that he should be president so he can be the Grumpy Old Man In Chief. So do Ron Paul and Ralph Nader, two more grumpy old men who gets on people's nerves. No reason to vote for them either, or to care what becomes of their misguided political aspirations.

You might as well get yourself into a tizzy about Scientology or Kabbalah, two flavor-of-the-month religions among nitwit celebrities. Scientology is a religion invented by a science fiction writer while Kabbalah is a similar bunch of hooey centered on Jewish mysticism, neither of which is practiced by any serious people. Who gives a crap what crosses the minds of marginally intelligent media stars? Like that latest branch of Christianity, War Fascists For Jesus, or whatever the hell those born-again-and-again right wing clowns are calling themselves these days, they don't matter. This is America and people have the inalienable right to turn themselves into complete fools, and the rest of us have the right to ignore them.

Is there a more boring issue than adult pornography? Who cares if people like to screw in front of cameras and millions and millions of others enjoy watching? Nobody's forcing anyone to participate on either end of the camera. While the real obscenity of whether or not a surge of violence in an unprovoked war was a "success," people try to get us to care about the human fascination with sex. The same fascination with which our minds and bodies are indelibly programmed from birth to death. Now we're expected to critique the finer details a crime of monumental proportions like the Iraq war as if it was anything other than an oil grab by our neo-Roman Legions?

Who cares whether the surge is working or not? That's like asking whether or not the bank robbers had their ski masks on straight when they shot up the place and stole all the money. People just want to bring our troops home from that dusty cauldron where everybody hates everybody else because their parents did. Besides, we need them here to keep America safe for pornographers, Scientologists, Kabbalah people and other harmless souls as they fall under attack by the War Fascists For Jesus.