THE WORST PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY (AND FOREVER INTO THE FUTURE TOO!)

Blessed and lucky will be our 44th president. History will likely record him as looking like a genius in his own time, earning accolades for simply showing up and being reasonably fluent in his native language. That's how low the presidential bar has been set by Bush The Younger, The Worst President in American History and almost surely forever into the future. It just would not be possible to elect a less capable president. The former Worst President Ever, Ulysses S. Grant, was at least a war hero in the Mexican American War and a supremely able General Officer in the Civil War who made the difference in winning that war and preserving the Union, and was an interesting person. Bush The Younger, on the other hand, deserted his post during a time of war as a young man and is a personal cipher.

Not only that, the post he held was stateside in the Air National Guard, ten thousand miles away from any danger! That's how stupid this guy is! As he got older he was set up in business after business by his wealthy and super-well connected family (his dad was President Bush The Elder). He's probably the only man in history to lose money in the oil business, and also made a godawful mess of running the Texas Rangers baseball team. In order to get this bumbling fool out of the family business and prevent him from flushing more money away, they got him involved in politics and safely out of the way.

So they get him the Governorship of Texas and he proceeds to execute more people than the rest of the states combined during his 6 years in office, 152 in all, including a number of mentally retarded offenders. Since he left that office laws have been passed in Texas prohibiting that sort of behavior. Somehow he got himself elected President, with a big assist from widespread election fraud in Florida where his brother Jeb was Governor. For his Vice President he was given Shotgun Dick Cheney, the guy who actually runs the country. Bush The Younger is a puppet, too dumb to admit it and expose Cheney's coup d' etat and just smart enough to keep his mouth shut about it and stay breathing.

The Cheney Administration immediately went about the business of looting the treasury and splitting the proceeds with the nation's super-wealthy elite, cutting their taxes and overseeing the most massive transfer of wealth from the working classes to the the wealthy in human history. Bush The Younger was fine with all that since he is one of the super wealthy who benefited from Cheney's policies. So successful was that transfer that now less than 1% of Americans owns well over 90% of the nation's wealth. Shotgun Dick Cheney and his Hole In The Head Gang had pulled off the overthrow of the United States government without firing a shot. At least not yet.

Then one sunny September morning the world blew up in America's face when 3 airliners took out the World Trade Center and severely damaged the nation's military headquarters in Washington, The Pentagon. As nominal Commander in Chief of America's armed forces, Bush the Younger was informed immediately. First he froze for 7 minutes, then cravenly fled in Air Force One and was incommunicado for 12 hours, leaving the running of the nation completely in Shotgun Dick Cheney's hands during the opening salvos of a war on our nation, one that started with a stunning victory for our enemy.

The world rallied behind America, our reservoir of good will bursting and support for whatever retaliatory measures we pursued assured. Bush The Younger visited the rubble of the Trade Center and promised revenge on Osama bin Laden, neglecting to tell the American people that his family and the bin Laden family had been business associates for many decades. In the weeks following the 9/11 attacks, no one could fly in America, except for the members of the bin Laden family who were flown out of the country one step ahead of Federal investigators who would have loved to interview individuals who's brother has just killed 3,000 people on American soil, the worst such attack since Pearl Harbor.

So the Cheney Administration logically enough attacked Afghanistan where bin Laden enjoyed the protection of that nation's Taliban government. That lasted a while but they never did manage to catch the President's former colleague, letting him slip out of their grasp time and again, all the while planning a war against a different nation, one that unlike poor Afghanistan had something worth looting. That would be Iraq, complete with a cartoon character of an evil dictator and sitting on a sea of oil. The only problem was, he never did anything bad to America and wanted less to do with bin Laden's al Qaeda than we did.

No problem, figured Cheney, we'll lie our asses off and Bush The Younger will swear to it, and our other stooge Colin Powell too. And that's exactly what happened. Cheney and his main henchmen Rumsfeld and Ashcroft got their illegal war and then got busy attacking our own nation's Bill of Rights, cutting taxes to the wealthy again and urging Americans to spend themselves into usurious debt to their credit card billionaire buddies, the exact opposite of what nations at war normally ask of their citizens. As soon as American troops took over Iraq all the gauges and meters measuring how much oil is pumped out of the ground got conveniently broken and still are. It is conservatively estimated that 3 million dollars worth of oil is stolen every single day by somebody. Wonder who?

And so the war goes on and on while Shotgun Dick Cheney and his Hole In The Head Gang steals another election for Bush The Younger and keeps on earnestly transferring working people's money to the wealthy while New Orleans drowns and they throw them an anchor and then start surveying their destroyed neighborhoods for luxury condos. Now they are nearing the end of a very successful run as criminal masterminds, their every crime signed off by the dim bulb who can't put two coherent sentences together but still pretends he's "The Decider."

Any novelist who proposed any of the above as the plot line for a thriller would have been laughed out of his publisher's office. But there it is, officially intercepted phone calls and e-mails, private mercenary armies and our own spies unmasked by the Vice President and more, far more. Like they say, you can't make this stuff up. So, whoever follows this act can't help but come up smelling like a rose, even in the unlikely event that it is not the smart guy this time around but that half-daft old man with his deer-in-the-headlights Alzheimer's stare. At least he's confused and babbling in understandable English, more than you can say for Dumbya. Even if he doesn't make a lick of sense, that's still an improvement over The Worst President In American History. Get Mount Rushmore ready for #44.