REMIND ME AGAIN...

When exactly did sherbet become sorbet?

When did we start using the word "an" before a word beginning with the letter H? Was that an historical occasion? Seems wrong. Anybody with an head on their shoulders can see that. The English language just doesn't need another "i before e except after c and lots of other words too" debacle.

Remind me again, how exactly do we roll? And are we still down with that? I seem not to be getting the latest memos on newspeak.

Why did the Boston Red Sox get tired of Manny Ramirez, always complaining about "Manny being Manny" and then trading away the best hitter of his generation? What, hitting all those home runs and driving in tons of runners? That Manny? This team won zero World Series from 1918 when Babe Ruth left until Manny showed up and helped them win 2 of them in 4 years, being declared the MVP in one of them and being a major force in the other. You have to figure they didn't like being winners after all, they had a perfectly comfortable identity as perennial sore losers. Dodger manager Joe Torre is just fine with Manny being all the Manny he wants to be in his lineup, where he's hitting home runs like crazy and batting .475 and all of a sudden the Dodgers are a contending team again.

What is the difference between Beach Volley Ball and Volley Ball other than the sand? Any complex strategy I should know about other than thumping the ball over the net as hard as you can?

Is there any reason for anybody to make another documentary about Adolph Hitler's personal life? It's pretty clear by now there's no humanizing the guy, no matter how much he loved dogs.

How's that War on Drugs working out lately? Any progress? I see where a new front has opened up against trans-fat. Oh, sorry, that's the War on Fat Guys.

And speaking of wars, when did the War on Poverty become the War On The Poverty-Stricken? When it started back in the '60's there were no homeless people to speak of, now there's about a million and a half of them calling the streets home and dining ala carte out of dumpsters. Sounds like somebody's winning with so may losers in that war, but who?

Who's idea was it to have an online encyclopedia that readers can change if they think they know better? I'd have loved to have had that option back in the day, doing school reports on complicated subjects and editing the old Encyclopedia Britannica to suit my own purposes. Then maybe I'd have had more time to master hitting the curve ball and been able to become the centerfielder for the Yankees I was meant to be.

Remind me again of the difference between Vladimir Putin and Dick Cheney. They're both the #2 man in their respective nations, supposedly wielding no actual power, at least on paper anyway. In reality, they both run their governments with an iron fist, start wars on their say-so alone, break the laws of their own country with sneering impunity and use their positions to enrich themselves and their buddies. Both of them also have comical sidekicks as their puppet presidents, Putin with his tiny little guy Dmitri and Cheney with his tongue-tied buffoon Bush the Younger. What's the odds of having two sets of comedy acts like this running major nations at the same time?

What is it again that CEO's do that makes them worth 10 grand an hour? Most of us could post record quarterly losses for considerably less than that. Me, I'd take a lousy 5 thou per hour.

What is Alternative Rock an alternative to? Fossil fuel rock? Are these guys using solar powered guitars or something? Their music sure doesn''t provide any indication of what distinguishes it from regular rock and roll. Could it be just another corporate label for marketing purposes? You think?

And speaking of rock and roll, when did the nerds take over? Did all the wild men finally die? Who wants to see sensible, temperate, horn-rimmed milquetoasts bitching about the fact that the girls prefer the bad boys? No shit, Peabody! Go back to fixing computers and let the maniacs rock us.

What exactly is the sales pitch to suicide bombers? And why haven't major corporations snapped up the people who talk young men in the prime of their lives into blowing themselves up? Those guys could sell flies to dogshit. They'd earn that 10 G's an hour, no sweat.

Refresh my memory here. When was the last time Donald Trump, the Great Developer, was on TV for developing anything but his huge ego?

Do Alpha Males understand Greek?

Why is there more than one brand of air valve caps for tires?

Remind me again just what the hell I'm talking about. I've really got to stop paying attention to the world. It's just so damned confusing...