MORE SIGHTINGS

Spotted in the international media:

The Phoenix Mars Lander has found ice on the Red planet. No word yet on any charred oak barrel-aged smooth Mars sipping whiskey to go with that ice, but those hoping for signs of an advanced Martian civilization are optimistic.

The Chinese government lifted some of its heavy censorship of the foreign press in their nation to cover the 2008 Summer Olympics by unblocking some internet web sites. There's still a whole bunch more websites that are off limits and huge areas of Beijing that members of the news media cannot visit, in complete violation of the agreement they made with the Intrnational Olympics Committee (IOC), but don't blame the Chinese government. The IOC knew going in what lying sacks of shit run China's government, but they took their money and looked the other way like always, figuring the hell with the decent and likable citizens of China, we got ours.

Authorities in Iraq are investigating the latest deadly bombing of a civilian market. So far detectives suspect some young guy with a beard wearing a turban and loose clothing. Crack investigators are piecing the puzzle together as charred bits of his body are recovered at the scene.

Investigators from Pakistan have offered to look into the deadly bombing of the Indian Embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan. They have a theory, you see. Pakistani detectives figure it was some young guy with a beard wearing a turban and loose clothing.

Authorities in Turkey have identified 17 possible culprits in two deadly bombings in Istanbul. So far they've rounded up the usual suspects, a bunch of young guys with beards wearing turbans and loose clothing.

The King Club has a new member. The Kingdom of Tonga just crowned King George Tupuo the 5th. At his coronation he said he hoped to live up the standard of greatness exhibited by Kings George Tupuo 1 through 4. There were hundreds of his 112,000 subjects at his coronation party and they gave him gifts of yams, Kava root and pigs. That ought to lay to rest any claims that Tonga is poor and backward.

The president of Colombia, Alvaro Uribe, has rebuked the United States for not giving longer prison sentence to Colombian nationals extradited to the United States and prosecuted for drug trafficking. He says he's looking to send a strong message. To who, one wonders? Many speculate the message is intended for the new guys running the thriving Colombian drug trade: The huge bribes to his government are definitely not one-time payments but more in the spirit of tithing, say, 10% of the take forever or rot in an American jail.

A scientific study has revised the Six Degrees of Separation Theory to the Seven Degrees of Separation Theory, the idea being that there are only seven people who separate you from everyone else in the entire world. The study offers no practical advise, however, on how to dispose of the bodies of those seven people who are preventing you from fulfilling your destiny with that gorgeous movie star that you are certain is your soul mate.

In an effort to prevent fatalities and limit serious injury Egypt just implemented some new traffic laws, outlawing things like driving without lights at night, driving on the wrong side of the road, requiring proper registration, prohibiting the tying of donkeys to the curb (!) to reserve parking spaces, placing license plates in full view, barring tiny pickup trucks from being loaded with precarious and poorly secured loads twice the size of the vehicle in all directions, all basic stuff (except for the donkey as a parking spot saver) that other nations have always done. They did add one new twist: All cars must carry a first aid kit and a working fire extinguisher, a tacit admission that none of these laws will have all that much effect.

From what one can gather from news reports, road travel in Egypt is a chaotic mix of Biblical era beasts of burden, 1971 Buick Skylarks, old French, English and Italian cars in various states of disrepair, some vehicles abandoned by Rommel's troops in 1943 and a sprinkling of modern cars, trucks and tourist buses. This is the nation that gave the world its first great civilization and some of our most enduring architectural wonders. The man in charge of Egypt's Department of Vehicular Trasportation? You guessed it, some young guy with a beard wearing a turban and loose clothing.