KIRK TO SCOTTY: BEAM ME THE FUCK UP, FAST!

Here we were figuring we'll just let the mildly retarded Bush The Younger finish out the last few months of his second term as our President, it's too much trouble to impeach his mumbling, bumbling ass at this point, and besides, what more could he possibly do to screw the pooch? Well, welcome to the brink of World War 3, ladies and gentlemen! The Cheney Administration has been going all Hitler and Sudetenland on Iran from our 51st state, Iraq. They're rattling sabers and threatening to rain down hell fire on the jackoff mullahs and their comical little president Ahmadinnerjacket, who pose no more of a threat to America that Sadman Hussein did, figuring maybe we'll get to siphon off another Lake Erie's worth of their oil too.

All this time they're forgetting that Russia has gotten rich and powerful again and never did lose their paranoia about their borders, one of which they share with Iran, Cheney's next target. Next thing you know Putin rolls the tanks into Georgia as a warning to the world that Chucky's back, then Cheney ups the ante by deciding to put an anti-missile system in Poland and Russia goes haywire again, vowing that act will not to go unpunished and they will point a whole bunch of nuclear missiles Poland's way. Now Poland opens its big mouth about being a Nato member now who will have instant help from the entire Western World in case Russia decides to reintroduce them to the charms of Soviet occupation and I'm looking for my communicator to get Scotty to beam me the fuck off this powder keg of a planet pronto!

Did our government forget that Russia still has a shitload of nukes and a maniac leader named Putin who misses the Soviet Union like Abbot missed Costello? Where the hell was our chicken shit Congress when Cheney was attacking the wrong country, repealing the Bill of Rights, hiring mercenary armies for Iraq and New Orleans and stealing the eyes out of our heads? One thing led to another, then another and another until now we're in Sarajevo circa 1914 and nobody wants to lose their macho attitude. To add to the madness, you've got John McCain pretending he's already the president by dispatching two of his own emissaries to Georgia, a couple of equally demented Senators. He has no more authority than the manager of a Dairy Queen to deputize anybody to speak for our nation, but he's just demented enough not to know that. Scotty, do you read me?

One can only assume that both Russia and The United States are dusting off the nuclear submarines and long range bombers and oiling the hinges on the doors to our rusting nuclear missile silos. Aging generals nostalgic for the days of playing Russian Roulette with the lives of every human being on the planet are dancing jigs in their private men's clubs and getting their tailors busy on crisp new uniforms for their many anticipated press conferences on the various dire crises they are planning to scare the living shit out of us again. If they think they can pull this one off for another forty years without somebody somewhere launching one of those big boys, they're nuttier than they look. There's a bunch of Jihad Jokers in the deck these days who'd like nothing more than global annihilation. Scotty, Scotty!

So much for not acting promptly when a president breaks the law, like when Bush The Younger ceded all power to Shotgun Dick Cheney after the 9/11 attacks scared Dumbya sillier. All they had to do was go into Afghanistan, shoot up the joint and kill one six-foot-six Arab and his henchmen. Not exactly too hard to find Waldo in that non-Arab nation and stick to it until the job was done. But noooo, we had to embark on widespread warfare in the most volatile region in the world, the Middle East, forgetting that every stone you throw in the pool has wide ripples spreading further than we know. Meanwhile, bin Laden's a bigger video star than Kanye West and we've poked the Russian bear with a sharp stick. Scotty! Don't give me that crap about lithium crystals, just beam me outta here, okay?

Every action has consequences and non-action can be fatal. Picking poor leadership has huge consequences. If we tossed these assholes out of office years ago, we wouldn't be in this fix today. There would be other crises to be sure, they always crop up, but just maybe we wouldn't be staring down the barrel of World War 3. It's not America's fault that Russian leadership if full of brazen morons, but it's our fault that ours is too. What didn't even seem like a good idea at the time has come back to bite us in the ass. You don't let children play with matches and you don't let fools play with our lives. Scotty, you're breaking up. Energize already! Beam me the fuck up before this place blows! Kirk to Enterprise, dammit!