HUMANS: BACTERIA HOST TO TRILLIONS

So, a little investigating of the august medical journals and bulletins tell us that within our bodies, our human cells are outnumbered by bacteria 10 to 1. Wow! Doctors and scientists further inform us the amount of bacteria in an average human body would fill a gallon jug. They comprise 10% of our weight, so if you are 150 pounds, only 135 of it is you and you're hauling around 15 pounds of nasty little germs everywhere you go. Disconcerting, to say the least. These colonies of various bacteria within each of us is known as the Human Microbiome, consisting of an estimated 500 to 100,000 different species of bacteria, fungi and archaea, whatever they are. We just do not know the extent of our hospitality. But we do know that a lot of these human flora are absolutely necessary to maintain life.

So you have to wonder, who's in charge here? When our own 50 trillion human cells are outnumbered by the 500 trillion others, are we using them or they using us? We know some things about bacteria, like the E.Coli in our intestines that help us digest food and the bacteria that lives on our skin and shields us from the Sun's most harmful rays and helps our wounds heal, that sort of thing. There's even microorganisms, super tiny dust mites living on our eyelids that consume the dead skin we shed there. Which only leads one to wonder what eats the dead skin on their eyelids. And to realize that what we do know is practically nothing when it comes to the wide variety of living creatures within and upon us.

Scientists admit as much, saying there are vast colonies of one bacteria or another in every part of the body, including our brains, that they have no idea about; how they got there, what they do and what are their ultimate plans for us. And when we take antibiotics to kill disease bacteria that invade our bodies, these host bacteria are unphased and unharmed, perhaps pleased to be rid of rival bacteria gangs encroaching on their turf. Maybe antibiotics were their idea as a means to prevent other bacteria from killing the golden goose, us! So, what was evolution all about, to allow bacteria to stand on the moon? So germs can live in air-conditioned condos, ride around in Toyotas and listen to Ray Charles songs?

And what do we get out of the deal? Life itself, one supposes, since to get rid of these invaders is to die. When we procreate, the most fun we get to have, we share our bacteria with one another, meaning that the bacteria are within us to supervise every step of our embryonic development, partners from womb to tomb. Are we merely along for the ride? Must be, since inhabiting us was was their idea, not ours. So, how much do they dictate human behavior? What about evolution? Do we have bacteria to thank for our big old brains and our presumed dominance on this planet? When you think about it, people do all kinds of things that are hard to explain and a lot of things that are contrary to our own well-being. You don't see animals slaughtering their own kind or having unreasonable hatreds. Maybe the wars we fight are bacteria wars, one strain seeking to dominate another strain. We sure don't have any logical reason to make war. It's quite stressful and just ruins many a good day.

And human beings are a bundle of compulsions, too, following various behaviors that are quite harmful to us. Some of us smoke, others drink way too much alcohol, some of us get real fat, simply because we cannot control ourselves. So who's doing the controlling? Scientists have already discovered that obesity and certain internal bacteria are linked. Maybe those particular bacteria are merely building an extension on their home by making somebody real fat. That could explain why some people have an incredibly hard time losing weight, since the bacteria don't want to give up their new family room, jacuzzi and two-car gargage. Some of us get so damned big you'd think these little creatures are installing their own personal bowling alleys and amphitheaters. Have the scientists thought of that?

Are we reasoning beings or living automatons doing the bidding of the bacteria? Because when we die, for the most part, they don't, unless we get our dead carcasses cremated. They live while we rot (with trillions more joining the feeding frenzy) then maybe find some other joker to hitchhike on and go merrily about their business, whatever that could possibly be. And they're not talking, at least not in any language we can understand. You'd think the least they could do was give us a heads-up on what they have in mind, or write a nice thank-you note for our hospitality. Or maybe it's us who should be thanking them for allowing our bodies to be the mobile homes of the oldest and most dominant life form on the planet.