OF CABBAGES AND KINGS...

The surest sign that America is returning to sanity is the reintroduction of brawling on The Jerry Springer Show. A few years back some neo-Puritans decided that it would be best if they cleaned up their act. What? This is the damned Jerry Springer Show we're talking about. If these reformers had their way, The Three Stooges would try to reason their way out of a jam and then where would we be? Down the tubes big time is where.

Now if we could only curb our sissy addiction to analysis we'd be getting somewhere. Doctor Phil wouldn't last 5 minutes on the Springer Show. He'd be beaten like a rented mule by trailer trash and midget transvestites while the audience cheers wildly. And all of Oprah's horses and all of her men couldn't put Dr. Phil together again. But she could always give him a new car promote his latest dumb-ass self-help book.

It's also refreshing to see Madonna back in the news in her proper role as a home wrecker. We were getting tired of that faux English accent and all that Kabalah spiritualistic nonsense from our premier bimbo. Guess she finally figured out she's not a guru after all. It's kind of hard to take her seriously as an intellectual after years of boy-toy antics and torpedo-tit costumes. Which is not to complain about all that hot sexy stuff. Give us the bimbos any day of the week over the hand-wringing spiritual advisors. We'll look after our own souls, thank you very much. Meanwhile, a little T&A, please.