INVISIBLE FRIENDS

I've been hearing lots of people, young men and women mostly, talking about how they have 150, 200 friends or more. Wow, I'm thinking, it must be a snap when they have to move and you can tap 150 people to lug your stuff. Who but a close friend can you impose upon for that crumby job? Of course that's a lot of pizza and beer to provide but with all those close friends your new place will be painted, unpacked and settled in no time. With 150 or 200 close friends, you could move into Versailles Palace without much effort.

But then you pay closer attention to the talk of all these friends and you find out they have never even met them. What? How can that be? Well, it seems that these people are counting as "friends" people they meet online siting in front of their computers. Sad, no? Sounds like a weird movie where a lonely but imaginative child invents an invisible friend or two so that they feel they have company. A harmless and cute solution for kids, a companion born of need and loneliness.

Bur these are not troubled children we're talking about here, but grownups, or at least they claim to be. One would think you can't claim the mantle of adulthood until you lose the imaginary friends once and for all and live among flesh and blood. But the 200 friends are not imaginary people, you say, they are real people typing into their own computers, keeping in touch, sharing information and maintaining their own 200-plus friends networks. Okay, I got it now. It's a damned epidemic of invisible friends.

Friends are people you hang out with, people who know you very well, even your shortcomings, but like you anyway, and vice-versa. Friends can't pretend they are somebody else, or pass off a photograph of someone younger and better looking and tell you that's who they are. Friends wouldn't want to do that anyway, otherwise what's the point of being or having a friend? Friends are people who know a whole lot about who you are and allow themselves to be known just as intimately. Friends are people who sometimes take advantage of you and sometimes do unexpected kind things for you. They're sure not people you've never met.

So, what are these computer friends to each other? They don't borrow your CDs, sleep on your couch or fly 2,000 mile to attend the funeral when someone you love dies. They don't bring you back down to earth when you have an ego attack since they don't really know you. They don't surrender their car keys to you when they've had too much to drink or take yours when you have. They don't play with your dog or help themselves to whatever's in your refrigerator or remember all the crazy good times you shared because there weren't any. They don't surprise you with a phone call just when you really needed a friend. They annoy the crap out of you sometimes or argue heatedly with you knowing you'll still be friends afterwards.

Computer friends don't do any of these things because they are simply not your friends, and unless you actually meet them, get to know them and share experiences together, they never will be. What they are is a hobby. A pretty bizarre hobby, but then again, some people collect all sorts of oddball items for a hobby, so why not imaginary friends? They're not hurting anybody by doing this, except maybe themselves in the reality department. People need people, that's a plain and simple fact. We're social beings, made to interact with one another. And if some people are incapable of doing so face-to-face, well, as sad as that is, they always have their invisible friends to turn to so they can share their isolation.