Our cruelty to dogs knows no bounds. We own them like slaves and selectively breed them for our own purposes to produce oddball creatures that have no place in nature. Would Chihuahuas make it in the wild? We confine them in small spaces, choke them with leashes, give them ridiculous names and in the case of Poodles completely humiliate them by giving them mullet hairdos. And those are not the worst mistreatments we offer these loyal beasts. We spay and neuter this captive race so they can't even hump anymore, the one solace you'd think we could let them have in their miserable existence.
And as cruel as that is, now some company in California is auctioning off the rights to clone 5 dogs, bids starting at $100,000. Now that's really rubbing it in. Dogs would be more than glad to screw one another silly to produce all the puppies you'd want. But no, these jerkoff scientists want to take over that function for them too. They justify this by saying that dogs are hard to clone since they have an unusual reproductive system, even more so than that of humans. Doesn't seem to have deterred non-altered dogs from doing the wild thing with one other since time immemorial. Now these scientists are looking to cut the poor sons and daughters of bitches about of the loop permanently!
So if this fiasco works now we'll have nothing but cloned, neutered dogs earnestly humping the neighbor's leg since they know they're supposed to be doing something with their altered organs besides peeing, but they're not quite sure what. And being clones, they'll all look alike. Great. And... it gets worse. The guy in charge of the project and his main colleagues are Korean. Sound suspiciously like these guys are looking to raise the perfect meal. Unreliable sources report that one of these Korean Scientists was the author of the cookbook, "50 Ways to Wok Your Dog."
So if you've got $100,000 to blow to reproduce your beloved Bootsie, maybe you should stop and think that you could have saved that hundred grand plus the 200 bucks or so you forked over to the veterinarian if you had just let old Bootsie keep his nuts in the first place. Odds are he and a mate would have provided you with no shortage of dogs that look pretty much like him. But knowing some of these so-called "dog lovers," they'll pay huge money for the clone and then have the new Bootsie snipped too, saying to themselves it's the responsible thing to do. Responsible to who? Surely not poor Bootsie. Don't tell him it makes no difference to an animal whether of not he gets to have sex or not. Tell that to the wild animals who quite often kill one another for the right to get busy.
So when Bootsie 2 nears the end of his miserable, captive and sexless days, do you clone and neuter him too for another small fortune? Because you love dogs, right? With friends like man, dogs don't need enemies. Probably a day doesn't pass that they don't curse their ancient ancestors for thinking what a good idea it would be to partner up with man for the hunt and get some warmth from his fires at night. At least the Koreans are honest about how they love dogs. Sauteed in soy sauce over a bed of rice, mostly.
*Author's note: To get an actual dog's point of view on all this, visit bobcrespo.com using the link on the "About Me" section on this page, just below this story on the right. Click on where it says bobcrespo.com, then when you're there click on the STORIES page and read "I'm Not Your Dog". Read a bunch of my stories while you're over there, on the house. -Bob Crespo
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