MISSION (IMPOSSIBLE) ACCOMPLISHED: WINNING IN VIETIRAQ

So now the Bush The Younger Administration, having screwed up the present to a fair-thee-well, attempts to change the past. Around 4 years ago, when American forces had swiftly vanquished the Iraqi army, Bush the Younger traded in his favorite cowboy outfit for a military pilot costume and had himself flown onto the deck of an aircraft carrier to make a speech. Behind him was a huge banner stating: "Mission Accomplished" and the president announced that the war was won, just like that. Well, guess again, Costume Boy. It's 2008 and your administration still can't lead its way out of a paper bag, never mind VietIraq.

So now the spokesmen for this dog and pony administration revises history to inform us that the Mission Accomplished banner referred only to the mission of that particular aircraft carrier. And the mission for that multi-billion dollar warship? The great ship 's mission that day was staging a propaganda extravaganza for a mildly retarded politician posing as an aviator, not exactly the mission its designers had in mind, but being that he was the president and insisting on playing dress-up, they figured let the simpleton get the costume party out of his system and maybe they can get on with their usual mission as a warship.

Art any rate, the administration has met with no more success changing the past as it has in meeting the challenges of the present. It seems that the citizens of this great nation have decent memories and clearly remember Costume Boy announcing the war was won. Not only that, television cameras and newspapers recorded the event, this putting another crimp in their plans to change the past. "Dang," exclaims Bush the Younger, "foiled again by those pesky normal people!" And until January of 2009, we're stuck with a retarded president and his handlers. As we have pointed out before, only circus bears and mental patients require "handlers." And people who require handlers generally don't have the power to go back in time and change history.

Even Superman had a rough go of that little trick, spinning the planet backwards until he turned back the clock enough to prevent the death of Lois Lane. Bush The Younger, being an avid reader of comic books, has appointed his "best people" to accomplish a similar feat, to go back in time to correct his mistakes. I have a better idea: Send somebody back in time to the night of his conception and talk his parents out of it. That ought to do the trick.