FILLED WITH WONDER

My brain won't cooperate and shut the hell up. No, I don't hear voices or have visions or stuff like that, it's just that I'm real curious. Maybe too curious sometimes, one of those people who's mind races all the time, trying to figure stuff out when there's really no logical explanation for a lot of the things that go on. Take that Congressman, this Vito Fossella guy. He gets arrested for drunken driving down in Florida, tries to pull the I'm-a-Congressman-so-let-me-go card, that doesn't work, then blurts out he's gong to visit his sick kid, and still gets arrested. These things happen. Especially to drunk people who are driving cars on public thoroughfares. Not good, but so far not too catastrophic. Like any other celebrity, you take the bust, issue your mea-culpa, maybe go to rehab and do some public service commercials warning the kids not to do what you did. Everybody knows the drill.

But who does he call to bail his drunken ass out of jail? His wife? No, she's back in New York with their three kids. His legislative assistant, one of that breed of people whose job it is to clean up politicians' messes? No he doesn't, nor does he call an attorney, the normal thing to do when you screw up big time. The lawyer waltzes in, tells you to shut the hell up already and fixes things. A smart attorney spins the incident into an overworked public servant getting sleepy at the wheel after working so hard for the fine Americans he represents in Congress. A hard working man of the people making a regrettable, but minor mistake, a lapse in judgement that won't happen again.

But no, Vito Fossella takes none of the above options. He picks Door #4 and calls his secret mistress with whom he has a love child and a double life, and before you can say Eliot Spitzer he's he latest poster boy for stupid politicians shooting themselves in the foot. So you wonder what this guy was thinking, and just how drunk he was. This time around it seems the famous culprit won't be able to do the public apology bit with his wife standing by her man while he says I've made a big booboo but we'll work through it and we're a strong family with strong family values and I regret this breach of my sacred vows and my public responsibilities and all that usual politician horseshit

Mrs. Representative Fossella doesn't seem to be amenable to any further public humiliation. Good for her. She's not going to be that grimacing wife on the podium while Congressman Dumbass tries to cut his losses at her expense. They've been married 17 years so you'd think Representative Vito would know his wife by now, and even when he's drunk would figure that the best course of action when you're in jail is not to ring up the secret mistress and baby mama. He had to know that Mary Pat Fossela is one of those hell-hath-no-fury types, so tread lightly whatever you do. So you wonder why these guys do the things they do with so much to lose. Now it's bye-bye marriage, bye-bye political career and bye-bye to the lion's share of his wealth and property.

Not that I'm feeling sorry for this clueless asshole, it's just that I wonder what gets into people in powerful positions. This past year or so we've all been hearing way too much about Senator Wide Stance Craig, Governor Gay Threesome McGreevy, Governor Crash Test Dummy Corzine and Governor I Can Screw Hookers But You Cannot Spitzer, to name just the most prominent scandals. Now add Representative Vito Fossella to this not-so-exclusive fraternity. Makes you wonder what these clowns had in mind when they earnestly started dismantling their careers by practicing the exact opposite of what they preached.

Most of us figure that if a guy is gay, or likes to play with prostitutes, or wants to maintain a mistress in addition to his wife that's his own business and his cross to bear, don't bother us with your personal baggage, just do your damned job like we all do. But when you make a lot of loud ugly noise about other people being gay, screwing hookers or having a mistress you'd better not be doing those things yourself. But there it is, one loudmouth after another caught in the act that they publicly crusade against. So, after all the head scratching and wondering what can one conclude from all this? There is a God and he's got one wicked sense of humor.