THE AMERICAN WAY

The news reports that such is our national debt, 57.3 trillion dollars, that every household in America is on the hook for half a million bucks. Well, fellow Americans, running up ridiculous amounts of debt is the American way, and this proud American is doing his part, thank you very much. My credit card companies didn't nickname me "Max" for nothing, I'll have you know. Another half a mil I'll never live long enough to pay off? Hah, I say! And Pish and Tosh and So-friggin-what? Just add add it on to the tally, right there with the mortgage payments, car insurance, utility bills, taxes, food, gasoline and cable TV.

As long as I have breath in these scarred lungs and red blood in these sluggish veins I'll keep on running on empty! They'll have to pry my credit cards from my cold dead hands. What's 57.3 trillion bucks anyway? Sounds like a made up number to me, sort of like bazillions and gazillions. I can see now that my government truly is a reflection of me; Johnny American, Man of Many Debts.

Do I worry that 'll be passing these debts down to my grandchildren? Of course not! I want them to be good Americans too, don't I? How can they live the American Dream if they're not up to their little eyeballs in hock? And their unborn generation will be the most American of all since the little tykes will be born in deep debt, to the tune of a couple of hundred grand apiece! Add that to the huge debt they'll run up on their own trying to get an education and you're talking John Wayne American, Charlton Heston American, Chuck Norris action-figure American!

What kind of ancestor would I be to deny my descendants the opportunity to participate in our great nation in such a meaningful way? I draw inspiration from our oil companies, fearlessly raising the price of gasoline and forcing more and more Americans to finance their fill-ups with their credit cards, many of them reluctant to do so, instead harboring unpatriotic notions about saving money and staying out of debt. Well, they're getting in line now, pulling out the plastic and joining the club. Go ahead, America, add on a few more trillion to our burden, we can take it. We're Americans, dammit, and we live beyond our means.